I remember my first heartbreak, I was 18. He was my very first love and I thought it would never end. He was my perfect match. We went through the same tragedies in our lives, we understood each other. I remember skipping school to go to his place, have lunch, watch a movie, cuddling and laughing together.
He was my first thought in the morning and my last before going to sleep. I remember thinking, that’s it, that’s what they call real love. I will spend the rest of my life with him.
We only spent six months together, which now that I think of it was very short, but it was the best six months of my life. My parents didn’t want me to be with him and they gave me an ultimatum. It was him or them. How could I choose between my blood and my first love?
And I chose them.
It was the most difficult thing I had to do. I cried for days and I remember not being able to sleep or eat. I felt real pain like someone ripped off a part of me. My life was just falling apart in front of my eyes. He cried as much as I did. And we became half ourselves. When someone would say his name, I would just freeze and become lost.
After a week I began to collect the pieces of my soul. I knew I couldn’t be like this forever. I had to pull myself together. Because I hated that feeling, I did everything I could just to get my mind off of him. So, I went on a trip for two months. During this trip I visited new places and met new people just to distract myself. I even made out with another guy even though I wasn’t ready.
Someone will say I ran away, and that’s exactly what I did. I ran as far as I could and didn’t look back. I needed a break from the overwhelming feelings. As a broken-hearted girl, I needed to take some time to rebuild myself.
The first day I came back home, I ran into him. I was just walking down the street and there he was. And for a moment we both froze. Just a look and it was enough to break me again.
The truth is, I wasn’t the same anymore. This heartbreak changed me. Going back to him wasn’t an option, defeat neither. I couldn’t run away again, I wasn’t going to change my whole life because my heart was broken. So I did what every broken-hearted girl would do, I formed a new whole from the hole in my heart. I filled this hole with new needs, furthermore I let time heal my wounds.
This heartbreak made me realize that you can live without the ones you love even if you don’t want to. You can pick up the broken pieces of your heart and stitch them together. It took me a lot of time to fall in love again and to release myself of the fear of losing someone again.
Just remember: it will take time and it will be hard but it will heal. Sometimes you just have to dance to the music that’s playing, and sometimes you need to deal with your broken heart. From this heartbreak I learned that you are the only one that can fight your battles and that you may be heartbroken but you only have one heart. One heart who will one day be ready to love again and trust again.
My first heartbreak also taught me that no matter how much you love them, people will leave you and the one you will have to stay with is yourself. Loving yourself is important. Your heart will be broken again, but at least you will know what to do. Now I know. I know my heart will never be broken that way again, and if it is, I will be prepared. Also, I will know what to do.
I moved on, I forgave myself for hurting both of us. There will always be a place for him in my heart, but I learned how to live without him and how to be happy again. Some things aren’t meant to be and I certainly accepted that.