You were always the one that gives more and loves more. That was simply your role in life. This was the case in all of your relationships, especially in romantic ones. And rarely anyone knew how to appreciate it.
You never asked for anyone’s gratitude, but you also didn’t expect to be taken advantage of. But despite that, most of the boys you were with used you in one way or another. Some kept you around because you were good for their ego or until someone better for them came along. Some of them emotionally abused you, and you were their choice just because they needed a suitable victim of their emotional manipulation. Some just saw you as a ticket to free sex.
And what did you do? You gave your heart to every one of them. You entered each of your relationships with an open mind and, most importantly, with an open heart. You really hoped that you can heal some people and help them change. You gave yourself completely to each one of them and nobody even tried to at least match your effort.
You were hurt more than once. You can’t even start numbering all the sleepless nights you spent alone in your bed, crying yourself to sleep. You can’t even remember every time you got hurt, cheated on, and betrayed. No man has ever given you their unconditional support and love and you never asked for much. You weren’t too needy, you didn’t ask for fancy dinners or for expensive presents. You just wanted someone you can rely on, and you only needed someone to be there for you.
Instead, you got loads of unreturned love, emotional pain, and mind games. You were ignored, betrayed, laughed at and disappointed more than in one occasion and more than by one person. All of this resulted in you feeling unloved and unwanted in general. All of this changed you in more ways than you can imagine. You’ve lost your faith in love. You don’t believe there is good in every one of us like you used to. And most importantly, you lost yourself.
You were an optimistic girl who always pushed herself forward and believed in a better tomorrow. You never believed in fairy-tales, but what you did believe in was true love. Of course, you knew that relationships take time, patience, and effort. So, you believed in two people being there for each other at all costs. You were always a kind person because you treated others the only way you would like to be treated. You thought that every person, no matter how insensitive they might appear, actually hides a loving heart underneath all of these layers and armors. And you tried to get through those layers and wake up the good in them. But, after numerous disappointments, your views on the world have changed. You’ve grown to accept that some people are simply toxic and that there is nothing effective you can do about it, as much as you try.
You also believed in karma. You thought that everyone will eventually get what’s coming to them and what they deserved. But, with time, you’ve seen yourself and other caring people in your surroundings who ended up miserable and emotionally broken, although you all treated people the best way you could.
So, you’ve given up. You’ve given up on hope and on people in general. And what is the most devastating, you’ve given up on the chance of ever finding someone who will heal your wounds. You’ve given up on the idea that someone who will match your efforts and give you unconditional love and support will ever show up.
And that was your biggest mistake. You might think you made an error by giving yourself completely to the wrong people and by letting emotions consume you, but actually your biggest mistake was giving up.
I know you don’t believe it now, but somebody worthy of you will show up. And it will be when you least expect it.
All of the love you gave to others will eventually come back to you. Because people do get what they deserve. Karma does exist, it just doesn’t happen overnight, and it needs more time than you think. And you don’t deserve anything except the most intense love and care there is.
When that someone comes, you will know that life was just getting you ready for his arrival all of this time. You’ll understand all of those heartbreaks you went through happened for a reason. You’ll know all of those wrong men were a part of your life so you would know how to appreciate the right one.
He will delete all of those tears and sleepless nights. Instead, he will be there for you every single day and night of your life, whenever you need him. He will never get tired of you and you will never feel like you are a burden to him. Your problems won’t bother him, because he will consider them to be his problems, as well.
He will make all of those feelings of not being good enough go away. He will never allow you to think of yourself as worthless, because he will be aware of your true potential and value and will always emphasize them. He won’t have the need to control or emotionally manipulate you, because he will have no interest in lowering your self-esteem. Instead, he will do whatever it is in his power for you to realize everything you are capable of. He will support you in your life aspirations and will believe in you, despite the fact that you’ve stopped believing in yourself.
He will appreciate all the love you are giving to him and all the effort you are putting to make your relationship work. And he will use every opportunity to prove it to you. He will admire you for your emotional strength and he will make sure everyone knows how proud he is to have you. This is the man who will never take you for granted and who will value every little thing you do for him, because he will know those are tokens of the enormous love you have for him. He will respect you so much, you will grow to respect yourself again.
He will erase all of those years when you felt unloved, unwanted, and rejected. He will make you feel like you are the only woman in the world. He will give his best to try and understand every complex layer of your being. He will be someone who will wake up that romantic who believes in love at all costs, that you think you’ve buried deep inside of you. He will love you so much, you will grow to love yourself again.
So, start believing again. All of your prayers and hopes will eventually pay off. All of the times you gave everything to someone and received nothing in return will be worth it. I know that now this is the last thing you believe in, but when the right man comes in your life, all the love you’ve given to others will come back to you. Just don’t give up and never stop believing in miracles.