Breakups are always hard for both partners, no matter what someone might tell you. For some people they turn out to be a good thing, because the breakup gives them time to think about the things they did wrong and provides them with the change of perspective. But, let’s face it, these couples are rare. If you have recently gotten out of a relationship, chances are that getting back together with your ex-boyfriend would bring you more harm than good. It’s hard to accept it, but sometimes it’s better to leave things the way they are. If you have some doubts about getting back together with your ex, here are seven signs you shouldn’t do it under any circumstances.
He has hurt you badly
You and your ex-boyfriend obviously broke up for a reason, and although there exists things that can be worked on, there are also some deal-breakers in every relationship. If he has hurt you badly during the breakup process or during your relationship, you shouldn’t get back together with him. I am not saying you shouldn’t forgive him—yes, you definitely should, because forgiveness is the first step of letting go. But, if you were in an enormous emotional pain because of him, how can you think that the two of you will be able just to move where you left off? Of course, in the beginning, after you guys get back together, you’ll both be thrilled and enthusiastic about your reconciliation and will rarely think about the pain that he caused you. But, there are some things you can’t just magically wipe out. Sooner or later, this pain will come back to the surface, and you can’t heal yourself with the one that broke you in the first place. As much as you try to avoid it, you’ll blame him for everything you’ve been through (and with a reason), and that can never be a foundation for a healthy relationship. The same goes in the opposite direction—the two of you shouldn’t get back together if you are the one that caused him pain.
The two of you have essential differences
Although love is crucial for every romantic relationship, there are people who love and care for each other deeply, but somehow can’t seem to make it work. If you and your ex are some of these people, you probably have some essential differences. Those differences can be in personality or in views towards the world and life. The point is that despite all the love and attraction you may be feeling for each other, the harsh truth is you’ll probably never work out. Relationships demand constant compromise and you are obviously not ready for it, considering the fact that you broke up. There are some things that partners need to agree upon if they want to have a successful relationship and that are more important than the feeling of butterflies you have when you are around him. If you guys don’t have the same viewpoints when it comes to marriage, having children, or about finances, you shouldn’t even consider getting back together.
You are afraid of being alone
This is one of the top reasons people usually get back together, and at the same time it’s one of the dumbest. Okay, you hate the dating scene around you, and you’ve probably tried to be with someone else, but it seems like you can’t find anyone suitable, at least. And now you are afraid that you’ll end up alone and miserable and you are thinking about going back with your ex. For you, it’s better to be with him in your comfort zone, despite all the problems you guys had, than being alone or having to put yourself back on the market. Remember that this is the worst thing you could ever do. It’s always better to be alone than in a bad relationship. Being single doesn’t have to be depressing and lonely. You can spend time focusing on yourself and on dear people around you—not everything has to always revolve around the opposite sex. Invest in yourself, use every opportunity you can to improve, do whatever makes you happy, but just don’t go looking for him for this reason only. And if you think that you are having trouble finding a new partner, trust me that he’ll come when you least expect it and when you are ready.
This isn’t the first time you two broke up
The worst thing a couple can consciously put themselves through is being in an on and off relationship. This type of relationship can seem exciting and interesting in the beginning, but as time passes by, it literally drains you emotionally. It’s toxic, exhausting, and tiring, not to mention all the consequences it can leave on your mental health. If you are always breaking up at the first sign of problems, you are either both immature to handle a committed relationship or you are just not for each other, for some other reason. Either way, take the hint and realize you shouldn’t be together. Even if you reconcile, you’ll just end up broken up again in a few months and weeks and why would you want to put yourself through that? If this is not the first time you and your boyfriend broke up, please make it the last one.
You hope he’ll change
People don’t change. Period. At least, not for someone else. If they ever decide to change, that change has to be motivated from within of their personality. Every other type of change is not sincere, and sooner or later, someone’s true face will come out on the surface. So, if you think of going back together with your ex just because you expect he has changed or he will change, think again. You should love him for what he really is and not try to create a man who will fit your standards. This doesn’t mean that you should put up with everything he puts you through or with some personality traits that are obviously deal breakers for you. It only means it’s about the time you admit to yourself that you can’t accept this guy for who he really is. And instead of putting your effort into trying to change him, stop trying to get back together with him and redirect your energy into getting over him.
The trust is violated
Trust is one of the most important foundations every healthy relationship is built on. If you don’t have trust, you have nothing. It’s built through years and years, and it can be lost in a matter of minutes. It doesn’t make a huge difference if your partner cheated on you, you cheated on him, or some other form of betrayal took place in your relationship—the point is the same. The trust in your relationship has been violated and that is something only rare couples recover from, after many years of hard work and devotion. You maybe think you could forgive him not being trustworthy, but believe me, the bitterness of betrayal is hard to ignore or delete. You can live in a denial for some time and act like you’ve forgotten about him betraying your trust, but sooner or later, you’ll start to wonder if he will do the same things again, and how can you have your peace with things like these on your mind?
You only remember the good times
One of the most common mistakes most freshly broken up couples do is to remember only the good times. I guess our brain is programmed in that way, to protect us from negative memories. But it’s perfectly natural for you to want to get back together with your ex if you can only think about how happy you two were. But something had to lead to your break up, didn’t it? I am not saying you should only think about the bad moments in your relationship—you should try keeping it as a positive memory. But it’s crucial to be realistic about it and not to allow yourself to be blinded by emotions that are obviously still present. Don’t soften up the truth for yourself just so you can have an excuse to go back to him!