Love Relationships

Unless You Are Ready For Something Real, Please Don’t Date Me

something real
Written by Selma

Lately, most of my girlfriends got themselves involved in different types of casual, on and off relationships. They pretend they are okay with it, just because they don’t want to look desperate and needy in the eyes of the guys they are dating, but actually, being in that kind of relationship bothers them a lot. And I understand them.

Most of the guys I’ve met in the last couple of years wanted the same thing from me. Actually, most of them wanted sex and nothing more. I used to think the problem is in me, but then I saw that similar things are happening to all the girls around me.

It appears that people are afraid to commit to someone and have become terrified of the word “exclusive.” When I thought about it, I came to the conclusion that people are probably too afraid to reveal their true feelings and that is the main reason behind this kind of behavior. Everyone is scared they will be rejected by the other person, so they run to be the first ones to show lack of interest and emotions.

Whatever the reason is, I know a relationship like this is the last thing I want in my life. It’s true, I haven’t had a boyfriend for a long time now, and people may say I’m too picky, but I’m not—modern dating is the reason why I’m single. I am simply not looking for a one night stand, for a casual fling, or for a friends-with-benefits type of relationship. I want something real and I will remain single until I manage to find it.

I am not the person who is scared of coming clean about my emotions and that is what I am asking in return. No guy can expect me to act uninterested if I like him. If I have feelings for someone, I will not hesitate to say it and to show it. I don’t think I am pathetic or lame because of that—I am a woman with her emotional and physical needs, and it would be unnatural for me to be with someone and not to grow emotions towards that person in the process.

Of course, I enjoy sex. But what I don’t enjoy is someone perceiving me as a ticket to free sex. For me, sex is always connected to emotions. Call me old fashioned, but one night stands are not for me. Maybe I get emotionally attached too easily, but you can’t expect to get laid with me without giving anything emotional in return. I am more than a sex object and I am simply not able to put my body apart from my mind and my heart, even if I wanted to. Before I sleep with someone, that person has to attract me on so many levels, other than physically.

Besides, I consider casual relationships a waste of my time and energy. I know people see it as a way of having a good time, but it doesn’t lead anywhere and therefore, what is the point? I would rather enjoy my single life until the right guy, who also wants something real, comes along, instead of wasting my life on all the wrong guys who won’t bring anything but trouble.

But, the most important thing I expect from guys is honesty. When I meet a guy, I am sincere about my expectations from a man and from a relationship, so I expect him to do the same. I don’t judge anyone and I respect the fact that someone is at the point of his life where he wants a casual affair. But don’t lie to me about your intentions, just so you can have me around.

I know what I want from my life, and players and douchebags are not that. I have been hurt too many times to allow myself to expect someone will change or grow to love me. I feel more than ready for a committed and serious relationship and I won’t accept anything else. For the first time in my life, I know my worth and I know that I deserve more. I deserve someone who will give himself completely to our relationship and someone who won’t hold back his emotions. Yes, I am looking for an unconditional, once-in-a-lifetime love and I’m not ashamed to admit it. Until a guy who can give me that comes along, I will stay single and won’t settle for anything less.


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