When you meet the guy you like at first, there is no one who can tell you the real truth about him. Maybe someone tried to tell you that he is screwed up, but you let your heart decide if you are going to risk and get in closer touch with him. You tried to think it over, but you left yourself to risk, regardless of the consequences.
You could feel at the beginning that he has interests in you just like you do. He is very good looking and he pays attention to you. You felt chemistry and passion between you, just like you are on drugs. He poisoned you and made you think like he is the only one in the world you could be with.
Given that he is a narcissist, he needed some time to reveal his negative and strange side. So, when you finally had all cards on the table, you didn’t even notice that because you were way too blinded. Even if you had a chance to see his bad behavior, you acted like you don’t see it but you ignored it. When you were already hooked up in the darkness, you didn’t have a choice, but you tried to change the way you act in order to avoid fights or arguing with your person.
Abusive people will find new reasons to be angry, no matter how hard you try to avoid the contention. They will blame you for what you are wearing or who you are seeing no matter how much effort you are giving to avoid the fights. Even if they accept the situation that you set for them and that they made you set, they will find another reason so they can accuse you for their anger.
You don’t have troubles at first because they are trying to convince you that they have reason for treating you guilty. They justify themselves with issues from childhood or their bad experiences with former lovers. You don’t have other justification, so you choose to trust them instead of listening to those monition signs.
However, you start to act like you are their protection. You believe that your love and care will help them get back into an original shape. You are the only one who can see that there is still so much good in them.
But then, before you are able to figure it out, they start to behave even more abusive than before. They can avoid you in the way you don’t even know where he is for days. Or, on the other hand, he can physically abuse you. Later, when it happened, you don’t accept it as violence at all.
When you think wisely, you figure out that it is worse to be alone than to let someone treat you the way he treats you. The thought of leaving him terrifies you so much, so you can’t see his real face. The things people said you about him were true, but you choose to remain blind because you love him. Even if reality is harsh, you are denying it.
After they abuse you in any way, they will get to the point where they are sorry. No matter how angry you could be, they will give their best to convince you in their culpability. Even though you may not be aware of it now, it is a blank story that he tells you. You are in the circle of violence, and he is making you less important with each day that comes.
There is nothing that you can do to win him. No matter what you try, he finds you guilty for something. Yet, you love him even more. You are addicted to him. You don’t care how low he puts you every day, you find your way out and you love him even more.
But, at some point, there has to be the end of emotional and physical abuse. You only need to try to think with your head instead of your heart. You will figure out how to stop denying that he is not good for you. If you do that, you could find the way to leave him forever, with no going back. There is no way that you would not be hurt by leaving him. It is shame, anger, solitude, and fault that you feel at the same time.
If you don’t decide that you are leaving him on your own, you are risking getting back to him. You need to feel it deeply. You need to decide it and actually mean it. If you haven’t decided firmly, you are stuck. Try to ask yourself why you need a person who abuses you. Why are you letting someone deceive you with his false love?
You can connect this to self-respect. You may have a little amount of it, or you don’t have it at all. However, you need to work on it in order to get yourself out of the unhealthy relationship and away from an abusive boyfriend. Try to discover how you got to feel like you are unlovable. How did someone make you feel not good enough?
Try to work on your self-esteem in order to get out of an abusive relationship. It does not matter how you became less self-important, but how can you return to normal life. You need to figure out that it is not up to you. Be aware that you are not guilty at all, but the person you are choosing to commit yourself to and love.
You need to have self-esteem and to know that you are not as vulnerable as you think you are. It isn’t about you or your addiction to the person who makes you feel less important. You don’t need to forgive and forget all the things he did to you.
Try to figure out that he is making you less important, don’t let him make you less worthy, and definitely don’t love him if he is abusive. Be aware of your addiction for someone who could not ever love you the way you wanted.
Try to work on your self-respect once you decide to leave him. It is hurtful but important to make you feel better. You would not be insecure in your decisions if you have self-esteem.
If you are self-confident, you are able to find that person you always wanted. The one who can give you back all those feelings you have. The one who could respect you and value your presence.
You need to be aware that they could walk away, too. But it is different this time, it will not scare you. You would see that as a normal thing that is not meant to be. But you will remain living and you would try to find the right person for yourself.