If you have ever been in a relationship with a narcissist, you know how much pain they can bring with them and leave behind. You may have thought of him as someone complicated and unreachable, but actually, all narcissist have a pattern of behavior they usually follow and are very predictable. You don’t see that while you are in a relationship with him, because you are blinded by love and you are a victim of his emotional manipulation. But as soon as you manage to move away from a romantic narcissist and you see him clearly for the first time, you will see him for who he is—an emotional manipulator.
I was in a relationship with a narcissist for years. And it took me to years to recover from it. So I think I’ve learned a thing or two about narcissist men. I won’t talk to you about the things I went through while I was in a relationship with him, because if you have a narcissistic partner, you are probably going through all the same stuff. Instead, I will try to prepare you for what comes next. I will not sweet talk you, it will be tough. You will spend a lot of time trapped in your own mind, questioning yourself and your relationship in general. You may think that you have reached your finish line once you move yourself away from a narcissist person. But you are only at the start of your journey.
The most important thing for you to realize is that nothing happens overnight. So you have finally decided it is about time to end things with him, for numerous reasons. But you can’t expect that you will forget your entire relationship for a week. Narcissistic men have the ability to emotionally scar us for a long period of time.
When I ended my toxic relationship and left my narcissist boyfriend, I was more than aware that he has serious issues and that he needed professional help, that I am not able to give him. I was also more than aware that he was only using me emotionally and that I was just a victim of his manipulation and emotional abuse. Most of us have the tendency to rewind every moment of our relationships when it comes to an end. And that was exactly what I did.
Right after the breakup, I only remembered the beautiful moments. I remembered the times when we were happy and when he was the most perfect boyfriend. And then, all of a sudden, everything changed. For a while, I blamed myself for that change in our relationship. I couldn’t understand the shift in his personality. It must have been something I did, it must have been my fault. It took me too long to realize I spent the remaining of my years with him, trying to relive those initial moments and trying to summon the person he was in the beginning. Don’t get me wrong, we still had some rare beautiful moments, which made me think everything bad was worth it. But those beautiful moments were less and less frequent, and my everyday life was slowly turning into an emotional hell.
Then I started questioning myself whether all the nice things were just an act and whether the way he behaved later on was the real him. I started wondering if he ever loved me. Was any of it real? Was it all part of my imagination? Did I have rose-tinted glasses all along? I felt like I threw away years of my life for something that actually never existed, except in my head. I felt I was holding on for something that was only important to me.
So I’ve decided to look for professional help in order to get rid of these emotions. After numerous sessions, I’ve finally come to the conclusion that he really did love me. To be more precise, he loved the idea of me. It is one of the behavior patterns when it comes to narcissists. They have their fantasy of perfect love, and as long as they start perceiving you as a person you are, they want out. As the relationship becomes more committed and serious, they feel less satisfied in contrast to everyone else. Narcissists enjoy the initial stage of every relationship, they enjoy the courtship phase and they are in love with the fantasy about love.
Once a relationship starts to become real, and once they cannot be the center of the relationship, they are in search for a new victim of their emotional abuse. Even after your relationship ends, they will try and romanticize it, just so they can always keep you close to them. Be sure that a narcissist will try to make his way back to you. But, remember, it is not because they love you. They love the idea of love and romance.