In my life I loved twice. First love is just a first love. But second love, that love took life out of me. I loved him so naively and strongly, and I thought that he would be by my side forever. I loved a narcissistic man, and I lost myself. Have you ever loved the wrong guy like I did? Then you know what I am talking about.
The relationship with him was the best thing that ever happened to me, but also it was the worst part of my life.
I fell hard for the wrong guy, but then I didn’t know that he was wrong. Too late I figured out that I loved a narcissistic man. That man was the love of my life, I loved him more than myself, more than anything.
After him I couldn’t find a reason for life, I couldn’t find a reason to be happy again. My life was slipping through my fingers, sadness was the part of me. Every memory of us was tearing me apart. I was wondering if I would ever get my life back, if I would ever be normal again. There was a moment where I had almost given up. But I fought, I did not get off that easy.
Before him I was a happy girl who loved her life, and I was grateful for everything. I enjoyed my life before, but after him my life became a dark place. There was no light, just darkness. My dreams were broken, my desire for life was destroyed. Just because of that narcissistic man. I couldn’t get out of my bed in the morning, because I was terrified. Every part of my life was replaced with anxiety.
For too long I was ashamed of the person I became.
I was ashamed because of all the things he did to me. But I was most ashamed because I let him do all those things to me. There was no sign of the person I was before him. And that was killing me, because I didn’t know how to move on, how to live again.
He was my person, he made me trust him.
He was giving his best to convince me that he was my person, that he was the love of my life. And I let him to convince me of all of that. I thought I could count on him in every moment, that he was beside me no matter what. But, guess what? He wasn’t there, he wasn’t by my side when I needed him the most. All the promises he made he didn’t keep. I trusted him so, so much, so it was easy for to him to betray me.
He was my safe place. My home. My everything.
At least I thought that he was all of it. But the truth is that he was never actually mine. I let my guard down because of him, he made me do that. Then everything became easy, he could do everything he wanted. From the minute I let down my walls, I was unprotected, and he could do everything to destroy me, and he did.
I really loved him, I loved him more than myself. He was a big part of my life, actually the only part of my life. I was so attached to him, and every cell of my body loved him. He was my drug, he was my world, my life. I gave my best to make him feel loved, I gave my best to make him love me. But what I didn’t know is that you can’t teach a narcissistic man to love. But I tried, and it almost cost me a life.
I believed in love, I believed in him. But he wasn’t capable to love, and he never will. I was a prisoner of my love, and he did it to me. I lost myself to a narcissistic man, to a man who wasn’t capable to love. And I stayed for too long with him, because I thought that I could change him. That I was going to be a girl he will love. How stupid I was.
He needed me to be down, so he could feel good about himself.
I was naive, I was stupid, and I let him do that. He let me down. I was sad and desperate, and he was happy, he was satisfied. Actually, I thought that he was my soulmate, but he wasn’t, and I figured it out too late. I allowed him to destroy me, I let him manipulate me. But I did that because I loved him. I loved him, that was my only sin.
But after a while I found myself again.
My life was a nightmare, but I didn’t give up. I found strength and fought with everything. He became my life lesson, not my defeat. There is no chance that I am going to let him destroy the rest of my life. He destroyed one part of my life, but I won’t let him to keep destroying me. He is not worth it.
So, baby girl, if you are struggling with the past, with your relationship with a narcissistic man, throw it all away.
There is a life without him. You will be happy, you will be the same girl you have been before him, even better. Don’t let him keep destroying your life. I survived, and you will survive too. Just don’t give up. You are strong, you will succeed, I promise.