One of the hardest things in life is learning to let go of someone you still love and care about. Sometimes you are aware that this person is toxic for you and you know that your relationship can’t go on. You tried to change your partner and you did everything you could to help them. But after years of constant disappointment, you simply came to the point in which you have to choose between him and you. If you stay with him, you know you will literally ruin yourself completely, both emotionally and physically. Already you are only half of the person you used to be. And you have reached a final moment in which you still can rescue yourself, unless you want to lose yourself completely.
You are not alone in this. A lot of us have been through the same things you are going through right now. I was in a toxic relationship that took the best years of my life and that drained me in every sense of that word. And I didn’t know how to let it go. I felt like a pale copy of my old self. And when I finally got the courage to end it, it took me a while to finally start feeling better. But, eventually, I saved myself. And so will you.
I know that you are scared, that you feel guilty, your self-confidence almost doesn’t exist anymore, and most of all, you still love him. Your mind tells you that you must let go, but your heart tells you otherwise. You blame yourself because you think there might exist something else you didn’t try. Guilt overwhelms you because you think you are leaving him alone to fight with all of his demons. You feel like he doesn’t have anyone who will fight for him anymore. But look deep inside yourself and realize that it’s about time to put yourself first. This person didn’t do anything to at least match your effort, and at the same time, you were ready to move mountains for him.
You never asked for much, you only wanted for him to stop hurting you and emotionally abusing you. It is possible that he lowered your self-esteem to the point that you think that his behavior is normal and acceptable, but trust me, it is far from that. He probably doesn’t want to let you go whenever you try to leave him, and he is always making promises that he will change and that he will become a better man. Although you keep falling for the same lies, deep down, you know very well that he will always stay the same. No matter how you try, you won’t accomplish anything.
You feel like you are torn apart between your mind and your heart. Your reason doesn’t have doubts when it comes to the decision whether you should let him go. But your heart is the one that is holding you back. You think that your entire world would tear apart without him in it, you can’t imagine your life without him, you need his presence like you need oxygen, and you can’t even think of imagining yourself with someone else. Trust me, that feeling will go away, although you don’t believe it now. What you are feeling is completely normal, and there doesn’t exist a person in this world who never felt something similar.
What you need to know is that your love won’t change him, no matter how strong, intense, and sincere it is. It simply isn’t enough for him. And you deserve better. There is a man who will appreciate and love you on all terms. You don’t see it now, but when you meet your soulmate, you will see how a man should treat you and you will get to know what true love really means. When this happens, you will wonder what was that you loved in your boyfriend. You will realize that you never had anything to suffer for.
So, let him go, despite your love towards him. Take some time for yourself. Scream, cry if you have a need to, do whatever helps you—just don’t call him. I am not going to lie to you, it won’t be easy and it will hurt like hell, but time heals all wounds. So, give time some time. When you finally reach your happiness, all the pain that you have gone through will be worth it. You will survive, trust me. I am a living proof of that.