As important as romance is in a relationship, I have had the chance to see for myself that it’s not what sustains it. Happy couples aren’t romantic all of the time. Those couples that have the deepest connection are not the ones who pursue romantic stuff all of the time.
It is important to be aware that romance is only a little piece of it all. To be able to make it last, it is necessary to be best friends before anything else. It is necessary to be compatible, to be attracted to each other. But most importantly, to have the same goals and plans for the future.
One of the worst feelings is when your relationship crashes and burns in front of your eyes and you can’t figure out why. You were certain of the connection you shared. But sooner or later you will realize that the connection wasn’t real. Otherwise, it would have lasted.
You realize that you were connected only with the image of that person you had in your head—with the idea that happened to very conveniently fit what you have been yearning for. Naturally, such a superficial bond can’t grow to become anything else.
When you have a real connection, you feel it in more than one way. You don’t feel fear when you are together. All you feel is comfort of living life with your best friend and soulmate. Knowing that your partner is the person you will share the rest of your life with provides you with feelings of calm and safety.
Also, one of the sure ways to tell is when you realize how easy it was to commit. There were no thinking things through, having doubts and deciding if it’s the right moment. Every moment is right in that happy relationship you two managed to build.
And if there was any doubt, if there were games being played and uncertainties appeared over committing to each other, then the connection you think you felt wasn’t there. It was most likely confused with other, more shallow emotions, like passion. And passion is something that fades away easily. Once it is gone, you stay stuck in an empty relationship with no future.
But I can’t say I don’t understand it. When your heart skips a beat when you are with someone and you feel like your world is being turned upside down, you can easily be tricked to believe they are the one.
But once you live to feel it on your own skin, you learn a lesson that is hard to forget. The lesson that will keep reminding you that the real deal will not knock you off your feet. It will help you get back up.
The real deal will be a wind to your back that will help you become your best self. It will be your assistance in putting your life together and holding it like that.
After taking in that realization, you will know that the real connection is wanting to just be next to that person. The real connection is with the one that can make even the household chores a fun thing to do. The one you want to have snacks with in your bed after midnight.
The real connection is with that person that you can spend a whole day with, rolling around on the couch, doing nothing. Literally being the way you were when you dragged yourself out of your bed.
So, no, the romance will not be a definite sign of a happy and successful relationship. Being best friends will. Being a kind of couple who are supportive of each other, even when things are going bad, will.
The happy couple will be ready to make sacrifices for each other. They will be accepting of each other completely. They will be satisfied with their life together, even after their days become more of a routine than anything else. And they enjoy even that routine, as long as they follow it together.
The happy couple will be the one that grows together and is made stronger, not because of romance, but because of the love that fills their life.