Let’s try to understand this: why do some couples break up and why do they struggle when everything seems to be alright? How does independence and intelligence destroy our relationships?
It is probably because one of the partners needs independence. This is what happens when someone doesn’t want to spend every single day and moment of his life with the other.
Two people can love each other deeply and still have the need to spend some time apart.
When two people begin a relationship, they have to give up some of their independence to make room for love and affection. It is a beautiful thing. And yet, the more you need your independence, the more you are suffocating.
When a partner is sensitively more independent than the other, sentimentally and emotionally speaking, the relationship can deteriorate over the years. The less self-sufficient partner will desperately try to hold on to the other. In this case the more independent partner will try everything to escape this hold and grab some space.
One will be hurt while the other will feel oppressed.
The big difficulty is to find someone as self-sufficient as you or at least a person who needs proximity as much as you do. Having similar needs in this case makes things a lot easier and does a lot for the couple’s stability. But this is only one part of the problem.
Even if you find someone with the same level of independence as you, it won’t be enough. Your intelligence might complicate and compromise things.
It is funny you know, in school they teach you algebra, geometric. You learn about science and literature. You learn a lot of things. But they never teach you how to love. For love there is no book or encyclopedia who will teach how to properly love. Nobody will explain it to you. We have to “jump” in love.
And we are fools to think that love is a natural and instinctive thing. We have to learn how to love correctly. Eating is natural, speaking is too, and yet we had to learn how to correctly eat and speak.
Yes, love is an instinctive thing, being able to love is a capacity written deeply down in us. And yet there are better ways to love. And we have a lot to learn about that.
Loving is clearly one of the most important things in the life of a human being, and we still don’t teach kids how to do it properly.
So, what happens when a smart person is facing love? This person is questioning it; she tries to understand the feeling, to explore it, to feel it as deep as it can be.
If you try to understand love, there is a big chance you will lose your mind. The greatest mind didn’t find a way to explain it.
Because love is about us and our emotions, it is one of the most complex things to understand, and for an intelligent person it is very hard to find it and keep it. The more you think about love, the more you are torturing yourself, and you will end up perplexed trying to figure out the way our society is representing love.
The harsh truth is that there can’t be a theory for love, or a system making us able to understand this feeling. We are the one making it magical, the one defining it.
Sometimes it is better not to ask why and how, the only thing we can actually do is to enjoy the feeling while it lasts. Because we all know, there is nothing better than loving someone and being loved.