It is always easy for us to see someone’s toxic and destructive behavior and to point out their flaws. But it is usually different when it comes to ourselves. Although self-criticism and self-reflection is very important, it can also be really demanding and not everyone is capable of it. When you summarize your past relationships, you can probably think of numerous mistakes that the other person did, but can you be fair and think of all the things you did wrong? It is usually hard to accept, but sometimes we are the ones who carry the most responsibility when a relationship ends. Maybe there are some things you were doing that were bothering your exes and eventually pushed your exes away.
You weren’t supportive enough
Every relationship should be a form of partnership as well. When you are in a committed relationship, your partner should always have your unconditional support. It doesn’t mean that you need to agree with everything he says and does, nor does it mean that you are not entitled to your own opinion. It means that you should be there for him and try to understand him, even if sometimes you don’t agree with each other. If you want your boyfriend to feel good about your relationship, you need to make sure he feels safe and secure when he is around you.
He needs to know that you will be sincere with him, but that you will always have his back, no matter what. You should always push him forward and believe in him, even if he stops believing in himself. You should be the one motivating him to become the best possible version of himself.
If you were negative and your ex-boyfriends considered you not supportive enough and felt they couldn’t rely on you in every possible situation, that may have been a deal breaker for them. If you didn’t show them you believed in them, you probably lowered their self-esteem without even being aware of it.
You didn’t respect them
Love is important in every relationship, but so is respect. Men like to feel masculine and their ego is endangered the second they feel disrespected. Even if you disagree with your partner, you should always respect his opinion. When you two fight, it is important to keep a cool head and not insult them. For men, respect is especially important in public and in front of others. That doesn’t mean your boyfriend should be above you. It just means that you should try not to criticize him when you are not alone.
If your partner felt that you had a lack of respect for him, he consequently felt he couldn’t be man enough when he is with you and that can be a possible reason for his departure. If you insisted on resolving your conflicts in a disrespectful manner and in front of others, he may have felt threatened and insulted and maybe that is why he left.
You were too needy and jealous
When you are in a relationship, you can never expect the other person to completely disregard and forget the life he had before you. Just because you are in a relationship with someone doesn’t mean you own this person. You should always respect their freedom and their need for space. Boundaries should exist in a relationship, because we are all individuals, and from time to time, we have the need to pursue that individuality.
If you wanted your ex-boyfriend to dedicate all of his energy and free time only to you, you probably appeared as too needy and jealous. Men enjoy the fact that they are loved and wanted, and therefore jealousy can even be flattering sometimes. But if you acted territorial and had the habit of making jealous scenes and wanted to control how he spent his time, that was probably something that pushed him away from you.
You tried to change them
When you love someone, you should love him for what he is, with all of his flaws and imperfections. That means that you should never try and change your partner to fit your standards. It is perfectly reasonable for something to bother you about your partner’s personality, but you have the choice to accept those things or to leave, if you realize those are deal breakers for you. Don’t ever expect someone to completely change just to please you.
You probably just wanted to push your ex-boyfriend forward in order to make him the best version of himself, but if he felt you are trying to change him, that was probably the thing that chased him away. Remember, there are other ways of trying to motivate someone.