I am not mad at them. Not really. If I have to say how exactly I feel, let down would be pretty accurate. I had too much love for them to ever really hate them. And for most of them, I can’t really say I blame them.
But you, you were the only one I ever really wanted. You still might be the only one. When I met you, I knew there was never anyone in my life quite like you. And now, when you are gone, I fear I will never meet anyone like you again. Because with you, I have learned what it looks like to truly be treated well. And I will always cherish you for it.
You still decided to give up. I couldn’t understand why because I was ready to fight for you. I would have never given up on you, on us. And you will never know how much it hurts to know you weren’t willing to fight for me the same. But I know now that you weren’t ready. We found each other at the wrong moment. Wrong moment for you.
I still believe we were meant to be, because we fit perfectly together. I saw our future together and it was what kept me going. And I know that, at one point, you saw it too. I don’t know why it wasn’t enough to keep you fighting. I guess we were just too different. There was never an issue that I couldn’t tackle when things got hard. While you gave up at the first sign of difficulties. Or maybe I just wasn’t worth it for you.
And yes, I knew that holding us together would have been a hard and tiring task. But I also knew what kind of reward was waiting at the end of that long road. I just wish I figured out how to prove it to you, before you decided you didn’t want to be bothered by it.
How could you not the see the satisfaction of basking in the love you worked hard for? Why wasn’t it an equal reward for you to know we fought and we won, and now no one could take that love from us? You failed to see the connection that would have been forged between us if we got to survive through the fight that was in front of us.
That is why I feel let down. That is why I feel disappointed. Because you did none of it. You saw the effort that would take, and you gave up on me. You gave up on me way too easily.
Maybe I was wrong. I think I can hate you for that. I think a tiny piece of me does hate you right now for backing up so fast. I just thought there was more to you than that. I thought you were more like me, like my persistent, stubborn self.
But despite this disappointment you made me feel, I still hope that the decision made you happy. I know you were doing what is best for you, and even though I am sad that you didn’t think of both of our well-being like I was, I hope it gave you what you searched for. Your happiness is all that ever mattered to me anyway.
Despite all these mixed feelings I’ve had for a while, I still wish you got what you strived for. You have deserved it for being the person you are. And I have accepted that.
Also, I accepted that you left. And even if I used to be the one that is always willing to give a person their second chance, I do not think I would give you yours. I do not think I would want to be with a person that gave up on me like I was nothing. If you chose yourself over me before, I do not see why you wouldn’t repeat such a thing. I have no desire to have my heart shattered once again.
I guess the point of this was to finally get what I felt out of my chest. To free myself of these feelings that were suffocating me and to get the closure I needed to move forward. I needed to get you out of my chest and out of my head.
You will never fully realize how much I loved you and what I was ready to do for us. Maybe one day, but then, it will not matter anymore. I might still miss you sometimes, but regardless of that, I have made my decision. And I have decided to say goodbye to you.