The relationship with my ex was the best and the worst thing that happened in my life. I loved him so much, and he hurt me. Because of him I was in pain for too long. I was there for him when no one would ever be. No one would stay by his side except me, I know it. We spent a wonderful time together, but also time with him sometimes was a living nightmare. After a certain time I realized that I was a victim. He abused me emotionally but I loved him, even when he didn’t deserve to be loved.
We are not together for a while now, but sometimes I think about him. About our memories, about time we spent together. There are some moments when I would give anything to be with him again. But in next moment I find out that everything would be the same. He is not going to change, he will be the same person. The truth is that I changed. After him I started to love myself, to care about myself. The pain I was going through because of him is just a lesson for me, not defeat. There are many things I wish I could tell him, but I guess I won’t have any chance to.
I loved him. He was everything I ever wished for, but at the end, he showed me his other side. And I didn’t like that side. Maybe that side of his personality was there all the time, but I couldn’t see it because I was blinded. I guess I will never find out.
After all this time while we are not together, there are things I wish I could tell to him. Maybe one day he will read this.
I don’t hate you, I really don’t. I have every right to hate you, but I just don’t. You were a part of my life for so long. We shared so many wonderful memories, so I just can’t hate you. Hate can’t grow out of love, so here I am. I don’t hate you. You are just part of my past, and that is it.
I hope you are happy. To be honest, your happiness was always more important than my own. So I wish you all the best, and I really, really hope that you are happy.
And I really hope she loves you. Maybe she is not like me at all, actually no one will be like me, but I really hope that she loves you. At least half as much as I did.
Maybe I still love you, but not like before. Actually, I don’t love you like before. Can you ever truly unlove someone? I don’t think so. You meant a lot to me, you were a big part of my life, so probably it is normal to feel this way.
To be honest, I wish we could have lasted. Maybe this sounds desperate, but sometimes I wish this. I was ready to do anything for you, to make you happy. But no matter what, you chose to leave me, and maybe it is okay. But sometimes I wish we could have lasted, but you didn’t give me the chance.
I’m sorry. I am sorry for all the moments when I hurt you, when I let you down. Maybe moments like this never existed, but I really need to say sorry. I’m sorry for everything.
And I miss you. No matter how bad you treated me I still miss you. You were my life, my first love, my everything. And I have days when I miss you so, so much. I miss your lips, your eyes, your voice. And I really miss your hugs, no one will ever hug me that way. To be honest, I recognize your smell even today, and my heart breaks a little every single time.
You hurt me. The pain I was going through because of you was unbearable. I could feel pain in every part of my body. It was part of me. That was the hardest part, that pain. Even today when I remember how it was like, I have a really bad feeling in my stomach. You literally destroyed me, you killed me. Damn, you shattered my soul and my heart. My heart was full of scars. And it took me years to get better.
Now I am okay. No matter what happened to us, and no matter that you destroyed me, I am okay. Like I said, it took me years to get better, but I am okay now. Actually, I never was happier, I love myself, I love my life. The world exists without you, and I thought it would not.