I Will Find Someone…
Everyone say that we have three loves in our life. Our first love, our hard love, and our third love is said to be the love we don’t see coming. For me all of them were wrapped into one person, he was each of these three loves. I fell in love with him the moment I saw him. He was my fairytale I read about in books when I was little. I could never get enough of him, he was like a drug for me. I fell hard for his charm, for his good character, his humor. He hit me like a freight train.
I was whole while I was with him, he understood me, and he never asked me to change.
He was perfect, damn, he was perfect. But then, one day he called me, and broke up with me. Just like that. Without explanation. In that moment I couldn’t breath, my heart stopped. I begged him to stay, I cried, I screamed. I was dead. There was no reason for life, because he was my life. Actually, I didn’t know how to live on my own, how to live without him. So I didn’t. I stayed in bed, in my room, and I cried and cried. My heart was breaking again and again. There were days when I couldn’t cry, I was so upset I couldn’t cry. My whole body was in shook.
The pain I was going through was unbearable.
But after a certain time I felt better, I was okay. And this is not a story when a guy who broke my heart came back into my life. He never came back, he didn’t even call me or text me. It was like I was actually dead to him. This story is for my pain, for my tears and sleepless nights. This story is for my recovery, for starting my life again.
He hurt me so bad, but I need to thank him for some things. First of all, I want to thank him for being my person, for loving me. I also want to thank him for taking away all my love, for breaking my heart. He taught me that nothing lasts forever and that people eventually will leave you. I want to thank him because he showed me how it looks like when your heart is broken into million pieces. How it looks like when someone shatters your soul and kills you and you are still alive. He taught me that not every love story ends happily.
After him I thought that I wouldn’t find someone like him.
Someone who is nicer, kinder, and sweeter. But I realized that the world doesn’t revolve around him. He is not a good guy, he is not perfect at all. He made mistakes, many of them, he said things, things I ignored. And I should not have ignored them. Now I know that no one is perfect, he just made me think that he was. I loved him more than myself, and he was almost too good to be true.
After many years, now I know that I will find someone else, someone who is better than he. I will find someone who will make me happier, someone who will make me laugh harder. A guy who will appreciate my flaws and who will understand my mistakes. And I will find someone who won’t give up on me, who won’t let me go. Now I am not angry or disappointed, my heart is still full of love. This is life, he happened for a reason.
When I lost him, I found myself, and I think that is the only important thing.
I forgive him of everything, I don’t hate him at all. He left wounds and scars, but it doesn’t hurt, it doesn’t hurt anymore. Everything happened for a reason, that is life. I was in pain for a reason, he came into my life for a reason, he broke my heart for a reason. And I don’t hate him, I don’t hate life, I don’t hate love. I moved on. Now I am stronger and wiser.
Now I know that I will find someone who won’t be like him at all.
And I know that “the right one” exists. The right one will find his way to me, and I will be ready, because my pain was a lesson and not defeat.