To The Guy Who Loves Me At My Most Unlovable
It is not hard to love a person when everything is fine. But times when everything is just right are not times when you’ll be needed the most. I want you by my side always, but I only truly need you when I am at my lowest.
I need your love at those times when no one else loves me. When friends are nowhere to be found. When my will to live is slowly leaving me and feelings of despair and hopelessness are making it hard to draw a breath. Those are the moments where your love is enough to save me.
I am aware how hard it must be to find something to love still, when I am at my lowest. That is the reason why I will reach out to you, because you are the only one who can actually do that. You are the only person who knows all the deepest and darkest corners of my soul and you can always see enough through my dark to be able to find another reason to tell me you love me.
That is why I need you at my most unlovable, because you are the only person that can make me feel human again. The only person that can make me feel worthy of love.
So, thank you for being my support and catching me every time I fall. Thank you for being my protector and for giving me strength when all I wish to do is disappear. Thank you for constantly proving to me that you love me no matter what.
Thank you for guarding my heart because you know I feel too much from this world. Thank you for seeing further than my walls. Thank you for never leaving my side. For being there for me and holding my hand when I am gathering my strength to stand on my own feet.
Thank you for letting me be who I am without trying to change me. For understanding and accepting me just the way I am, without ever making me feel like less. For not holding me down and encouraging me instead.
I am aware it is okay to be sad, and I know everyone has a bad day sometimes. But I also know you did not deserve to have to put up with my problems. You did not deserve to have to suffer with me.
I know you shouldn’t have to bear the weight of my inability to move on and resolve my issues. But you still do it every day and you do not push me into anything. You understand it and you are letting me get there on my own pace. Thank you for letting me rely on you.
Thank you for stepping aside when you see I need it. For letting me just be in silence. For giving me my space, but still never leaving me, always calmly watching over me. I am so sorry if I hurt you at those times when I refused your help. I promise I am not pushing you away. Sometimes I just need the chance to try to get up on my own.
I am so sorry that you have to see me like this, I am sorry it falls on you every time. But I am so grateful to you for sticking around even after seeing for the first time what hides behind my smile. I am grateful that you decided you would help me face my nightmares.
Mostly, I am grateful that the love of my life turned out to be a man of such character. A man who never gives up and who pushes me every day not to give up either. I do not know what my life would be like if you had never entered it, but I am so happy you did. And so happy you stayed.
I just want you to know that, even if I am a real mess sometimes, I have enough in me to give you the kind of support you have given me during all of this time. I have that kind of strength in me and it is all thanks to you.
To the guy who loves me at my most unlovable, thank you for being mine.