Love Relationships

Loving A Broken Man

loving a broken man
Semsa B.
Written by Semsa B.

Broken is a harsh word, but in some cases, it is the only word that feels right. When you’re loving a broken man, you’ll know just how strong the word can be. When a person is really hurt, it is like they feel they just can’t function emotionally anymore. Their needs change, their way of life is sabotaged, and they struggle to leave their hurt in the past. Someone who is broken isn’t just having a bad day, or even just a bad week. Their pain is ongoing and if nobody helps them, they could experience this pain for the rest of their life.

It is not just that someone has had their heart hurt, or has been upset by something minor. When a man is broken, he isn’t able to put himself back together because it is too hard. They can’t perceive that things will get better. They see the worst in every scenario. They believe they deserve what they’re going through, though often, broken people are the kindest, most sensitive souls that you’ll come across. Their openness to emotion means their hearts are never prepared to be broken, and they feel it twice as much as anyone else. It is a heavy burden to carry to say the least.

With this in mind, they need someone who can support them. They need a crutch to lean on while they heal, just like with any physical damage. That means you, as their partner, need to know a few things about being in love with a broken man – especially if you’ve never been broken yourself. Open your heart for this person, and you will begin to truly understand the meaning of a broken heart and how to heal it.

Loving a broken man can be tough

All love has its difficulties. It is almost impossible to find an easy ride in a relationship. Even those in healthy and happy relationships have their own problems. Good people still let hardships get in the way of things with their partner.

However, loving a broken man is even more difficult. You have to be prepared to do a lot more to support your partner. You have to be there for him all the time, and you often have to put his needs first. If you’ve had a hard day, you might have to push your personal emotions aside in favour of his. It is not ideal, but sometimes, it is the way it has to be.

A person who is suffering will want and need your time and energy just to help them feel like they’re on the path to a normal life again. They feed off the warmth of someone stronger than them, and they reenergize through people more prepared for life than them. All it takes is someone willing to share that energy to get someone back on their feet, but it can also be tiring for the helper.

It is often more difficult for women because they’re less used to men relying on them emotionally. Women tend to go to other women for matters of the heart, so when a man opens up willingly, it can seem like a foreign concept.

However, it is also easier in some other ways – a woman is always in touch with her emotions, so she is often willing to share expertise on matters of the heart. Helping anyone get better feels difficult, but if you put your mind to it, you’ll always be able to assist your partner in getting back on track, even if they are very badly hurt.

Everything takes time. You would never expect a broken leg to heal overnight, so you shouldn’t expect a heart to either. It may be a different kind of injury, but in the end, it is all the same.

Loving a broken man means learning to listen

When you love someone who has been shattered into a million pieces, it is all about the art of learning how to listen to them. They will likely need a lot of support, and they will probably recycle their problems to you a lot. They know you have the ability to hold them up through their hardest moments, and they need your assistance to try to bury the past. You might not be accustomed to being the listener, and that’s okay. It is a learning curve you need to take. It is a good skill to have whether you’re dating a broken man or not, so there’s no excuse to hang back and let someone else do the heavy lifting.

When you’re listening to another person’s problems, you might discover that they seem a little trivial, and you might scoff thinking they’re being overdramatic. Though the solution may seem obvious to you in any given scenario, let them try and relay the issue to you for now, because it does take a massive weight off their shoulders. Some people are not equipped to deal with their own feelings as well as you are, and a person with no worldly experience will struggle massively to see their own problems from a sensible and logical perspective.

If it is a decision they’re trying to make, just tell them what to do, even if the answer seems to be obvious to you. Decisiveness is hard when you have no way to process information, which is a difficult part of depression or depressive symptoms. Taking one little thing of a person’s shoulders seems like nothing to you, but it makes a massive difference for them.

However, people can be stubborn, and they may not be ready to take your advice. People with depression are often loath to take action because they don’t feel they have the energy to make a change. They believe that no matter how hard they try, everything is going to stay the same for them. They don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel even if it is staring them in the face.

If this is the case, don’t give up on them. Keep listening. Abandoning them now is the worst thing you can do for their broken heart. It is what their depression wants, and you can’t give in to it or they will finally be beat. Stick it out, and you will eventually see a man who is learning to heal on his own, and you can then return to being normal people.

Loving a broken man requires patience

As in the previous point, it is very common to find a broken man who is unable to process his own emotions. This means they need someone to guide them and help them understand what they’re feeling.

There will be days where you struggle too. Taking on someone else’s problems is stressful, time consuming and a strain on your own resources. However, you know that you have a stronger heart than they do, and that you can seek help elsewhere. You don’t need to rely on someone else all of the time, so your scenario is different. Loving a broken man doesn’t mean you shouldn’t take care of yourself – make sure your mental health doesn’t suffer in the pursuit of improving someone else’s.

Either way, it is good to know that if you want it enough, and he wants it enough too, your methods will work and he will get better. But this takes time. It can take months, or even years, to help someone out of a rut. Depending on what happened to them, they could be broken for the foreseeable future.

Be prepared to wait it out by their side. Let there be good days and bad days, and try to take however he feels in your stride. After all, some day you could be in their shoes, and you’d want someone to stick by you too. If you don’t help now, your past may come back to haunt you, as it often does for so many.

Loving a broken man means knowing when to step back

Everyone needs space sometimes. It is a fine balance, discovering when someone needs you, and when to leave them to their own devices. If a person is telling you to back away, sometimes you understand that you can’t – they still need you. To know whether this is true, you have to observe carefully. It is the habits of a broken man that will reveal if he can sustain himself alone.

People with depression, for example, often abandon their personal hygiene because they don’t care about it anymore. This is a common sign that they can’t be left to their own devices. They need someone to remind them how to function normally, and if they’re too low to do it themselves, they might need someone to encourage or help them to do it. Similarly, getting out of bed in the morning can be a large task for someone who is emotionally damaged. You might have to physically move them to get them up, but it is like teaching a toddler to ride a bike. You run alongside them until it is time to let go, and then they soar away without a care in the world.

Sometimes, though it is the opposite. You can see they need to figure something out alone, but they still cling to you for help. As the emotionally stable one in the situation, you need to be able to gauge when it is time to step away, and when to stay close by. Sometimes, your help may become like a safety blanket for them, and they believe that when it is gone, the support system will collapse. Though this isn’t the case, you need to make the transition to self-care as easy as possible. Little by little, you can start to move away from your duties, so slowly he might not even notice it is happening. There’s no use abandoning him at sea straight from the off – he’s still a vulnerable person. You’ll know when the time is right to move away, but it must be a slow process. Much like approaching a flighty animal, you must be cautious and conscientious. Only then will your endeavours be a success.

However, after all of this, it is possible that this man will still be desperate for the relief your support provides. They’ll try desperately to monopolize your time so that you don’t leave them on their own. If this does happen, your good judgement will be needed to deny them what they want and give them what they need. It is something you’ll get used to the longer you love a broken man. It might be difficult to see them suffering, but in the long run, you know best. You know what to do so don’t doubt yourself. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind, and in this scenario, that is certainly true.

Loving a broken man is a commitment

If you’re approaching the beginning of a relationship with a broken man, you have to understand what you’re getting yourself into. Depression wants to destroy anything in its path, and it’ll try to take you down with it. It is a big commitment to enter a long-term relationship with someone that has mental health issues. It may also start to effect you in a negative way and make you more susceptible to mental health issues of your own. If you think you’re too sensitive to handle the scenario, it’s best for everyone involved that you don’t stick around.

If you’re unprepared to love a man with all of your heart, you shouldn’t be with them anyway, but especially in the case of a broken man, it is unadvisable. This guy is carrying a lot of excess baggage, whatever it might be. If you don’t want to be a part of that, walk away. People are complex in all walks of life, but sometimes, you do need to consider yourself. Selfishness for your own sanity is not a crime. No one would blame you for deciding not to commit to a person that can’t carry their own problems on their back. You want to be a lover, not a caregiver, and in a relationship with a broken man, the line between the two is very thin.

However, if you’re in, you’re all in. If you think you’ve got what it takes, or you’ve been in the relationship a while, stick your roots in the ground and be prepared. You shouldn’t allow yourself to ever back out half way through, because there’s no way to destroy progress like breaking a broken man’s heart all over again. Go all in, or leave before things get too messy. Never toy with a man’s emotions and leave him guessing. Be as honest, compassionate and giving as you possibly can. This is your moment to show everyone that you are selfless and strong. While this isn’t so much about you, you can be proud of yourself for making someone happy again after so long of being sad. See the bright side of a bad situation and feel the love. It may be difficult, but you won’t regret it in the long run.

Loving A Broken Man