Relationships can be tricky as it is. They get even trickier when you fall for a person that loathes everything about themselves.
These are the reasons why it’s hard to love someone who doesn’t love themselves.
— When a self-hating person finds someone they care about, they will start relying on that someone to patch up the things they see as wrong and bad about themselves. You might be enjoying that at first. I mean, who doesn’t like to feel needed and useful? But with time, it can take a wrong turn.
Your self-hating partner can become overly dependant and needy. You will eventually start feeling like they are still by your side only because of everything you can do and provide for their benefit. You know very well that it’s hard to love someone when you don’t feel appreciated for everything you do for them.
— Communicating with the person who resents themselves is very hard. You always have to overthink things you say because you never know what makes them react badly. That mostly happens because they tend to see some underlying meaning to everything that comes out of your mouth. They are not aware they are projecting their self-hatred on your words and it can be extremely tiring.
You will soon notice your communication dwindle because you got so fed up with always analyzing everything before you say it out loud. Always having to explain and justify your words simply becomes too frustrating, so it is easier to stay quiet than to always repeat the same, pointless conversations. You want to be there for them, encourage and support them. But it’s hard to love someone like that when they keep rejecting your support.
— Speaking of rejecting your support, it can happen that they start rejecting your help, too. Your partner might feel unworthy of your worry and see themselves as a burden. No one wants to watch the person they love go through so much pain. That’s why it’s hard to love someone that doesn’t let you help them. You keep hurting because they are hurt, and there is nothing you can do about it because they won’t let you.
— It is very discouraging to love a person who doesn’t love or care for themselves. You might start to feel like your efforts are going to waste. While you give your best to pick up your partner off the ground, they give as much to keep themselves down. It is a vicious cycle that never seems to end.
So, what to do when you love someone like that?
Getting far enough to be able to ask yourself this question at all means you are probably a very nice and caring person. The kind that possesses huge amounts of patience. But you shouldn’t forget what’s good for you. As satisfactory as it can be to help your loved one, especially when you know they love you back, you must be mindful of your well-being.
It is worthy of admiring if you can see the hatred they feel towards themselves only as one of their imperfections, and keep doing what you do best. But if you start to feel it is taking a toll on you, that your needs are being ignored and uncared for while you’re going all out for them, you might have to try a more drastic approach.
You should either start up an open conversation about what’s happening and try to come up with a good solution for both of you, or even move on from that relationship. Doesn’t matter what you choose though, what matters is that you should never let someone else’s needs completely cut off yours. It is good to love and care for someone with all your heart and give them all you can. But when that starts to cause damage to you, you won’t be able to care about them or yourself any longer.
So it doesn’t matter how deep your love for that person is, keep in mind that they are still not your responsibility. As much as it’s hard to love someone who doesn’t love themselves, don’t let that stop you from loving yourself.