When you are in a serious relationship, as the time passes, things can start to get heated. Everything will cause you to start up a fight, even small things and misunderstandings. You start to wonder what the good way to deal with it is and if you will ever get on the same page again.
The most logical explanation for constant bickering would be the disappointment with the fact that expectations you both have are not being fulfilled. Those expectations might or might not be realistic. They will be influenced by our own ideas of how the relationship should look like, but also by past relationships.
You need to be fully aware that no one ever thinks the same, regardless of the things you might have in common. People might refuse to see that, so when the disagreement occurs, instead of looking for a solution, they see it as a chance to run. Of course, the reason for that might be that they were trying to leave anyways. But mostly, it is because they feel threatened and the first instinctive reaction in that case is to escape.
A better thing to do instead would be to remind yourself that fighting is inevitable in a relationship. The only way to avoid it completely would be to not speak your mind ever. And we all know that holding it all in can never be good or healthy for either of you. So, if you care about rescuing it, your best bet is to see all that as your chance to grow as a couple.
Here are ten ways to stop fighting with your partner.
Do not swear when you’re arguing.
As it’s already mentioned, you can’t avoid arguments completely, so it is okay to fight. But you must be careful to never use THAT kind of language. Calling each other names and throwing around insults will result in losing some of the respect you had towards each other. When you feel that mutual respect lose itself, you might never again see each other as highly as you used to. Also, it might make you start doubting the feelings you have for each other. The question that might bother you after will be ”How can he/she claim they love me when they insult me and think of me like that?”
Learn to not react about the small things.
Figure out what is really important, what deserves a fight or a discussion. Not every difference of opinion should be argued over. This does not mean that you should let go of your stance on something that really matters to you. But you should learn to choose what should be debated and what isn’t worthy of stirring up the hornet’s nest.
Learn to be accepting.
Sometimes you need to look at the matter at hand from another perspective. You need to realize that your partner is most likely seeing that certain situation from a completely different standpoint. Do not forget the possible experiences that shaped them a certain way. Give them a chance to explain themselves and you might realize the situation is far better than you perceived.
Adjust your expectations.
Never forget that both of you entered that relationship with a different set of expectations. Some compromise might be in order. That is why the best thing to do would be to discuss openly what you expect from each other.
I know this is not something that people usually have in mind while in the middle of a fight. But give yourself a chance. Take a break and take a breath. Some things are better talked over with a cool head.
Don’t forget that your common goal is still harmony.
You know very well that none of you are enjoying the bickering. Your partner wants things to be back in their place just as much as you do. Try to reconnect with that feeling of unity you had before and always remember what is your common goal.
Avoid personal attacks.
If your partner’s behavior is what upset you, point it out and talk it over. However, you need to avoid doing it by pointing fingers and treating it like there is something wrong with them.
Give them the benefit of the doubt.
When you point out to your partner what it was that hurt you, take their response the way it is. If they are trying to explain to you that whatever they did really wasn’t the way you took it, believe them. Sometimes the hurt is caused unintentionally or as a consequence of your partner trying to shield you from it.
Refrain yourself from discussion when you are in a bad mood.
We all know and have those days. You know yourself best. When you notice it is that kind of day for you, avoid any discussions. You know your temper will get the best of you and something small will turn into a full blown argument for no apparent reason. The best thing to do instead is to warn your partner that it is for the best to avoid any such things at the moment. They sure will appreciate the avoided trouble.
Learn how to leave it all behind you.
After you’ve had the chance to discuss the issue, and hopefully resolve it, leave it in your past. But be firm on that decision. Do not allow yourself to bring any of your past fights into the new discussion you might be having. You can be sure that those old problems cannot be of any help to the issue at hand. If you say you have forgiven it, stay true to your word.
Bear in mind, you will not get anything out of winning that argument. Your true goal should be a solution for it. Wouldn’t you agree that it is better to be happy than right? If you do decide to see it as a chance to grow as a couple, you can be certain that it will help you and your partner to become closer and strengthen your bond.