All of us have days when we feel like nothing is going right. Everything we try, fails. Those days it seems like everything and everyone conspires against us.
This dramatic play starts to unfold in my head and I am the protagonist. All I want to do when those bad days persist is to fall into your arms. It has been like that since the first time you wrapped them around me. I can still recall the night.
We were so young. Now, I would dare to call us children. Those were the years when a county fair was the only ”going out” we were familiar with. It meant meeting with your friends after you have spent an hour or two getting ready because you knew the person you like will be there with their friends, too.
I have known you forever, it seems. I have had a crush on you forever, too. As I was growing up, how I felt about you grew with me. I never really did anything about it, I was too shy and I thought you would never see me the way I saw you. In the meantime, there were other boyfriends and short summer loves. But you always stuck with me.
That summer, at the fair, our friend groups got together and we were having such a good time. I don’t know whose idea it was. But because of it, we spent all the other days of the fair together as well. Those were the nights we spoke for the first time, even though we knew each other since we were seven. Those were the nights we kissed for the first time and the nights that started us.
You walked me home last, just so we could stay together longer. So we could be alone. It was dark, but the moon was as full as it could get. I had a feeling it shone only for us. I was able to see your lips smiling at me and that glint in your eyes that were as dark as night. Your skin radiated inexplicably warm. Or maybe that was just me. That is where you kissed me again. That is where you held me for the first time, under the old pine in front of my house.
I can’t ever forget that feeling. It felt like a piece of puzzle finally fell into its place. I have never felt more secure in my life. And I was never more sure where I belong. That is when I knew how important you will be for me. That hug meant so much to me.
So many years have gone by since that night. We grew up so much and we have changed even more. Still, every one of those years that passed was more proof to me that what I felt that night was real. It was proof that we are here to stay.
And indeed, there you are. After every fall of mine, after every heartbreak. After every failure that knocked me down, there you stand, with arms wide open. A safe haven, with room just for me.
I always did my best to be your safe harbor as much as you were mine, and you have shown me so many times how much you appreciate it. But I still feel like it is not enough when you compare it with all the support you have given me through this time we shared with each other.
So I have made it my mission in life to show you, with every next step we take, that you can always put your trust in me. I know I can still put all of mine in you. You remind me constantly, every time you wrap your arms around me when I am sad. Every time you hold me when I am broken. Every time you squeeze me with pure joy when there is something to be happy about and every time you hug me when we sleep next to each other. Even when you look for me, while still sleepy and confused, so you could pull me in closer. You never stop reminding me.
That is why I just want you to always remember—your hug means a lot to me. It always will.