Sometimes, you find yourself in a long-term relationship in which you are both happy and sad in the same time and you are trying to figure out how that could be. Sometimes you are in a relationship in which you feel alone. It’s like you miss the person who is sitting right next to you. Actually, you miss who that person was in the past. You miss the person you were in the past, before everything changed. You miss all the beautiful moments you shared with this person. And you would do anything just to go back in time, so that things can be as they were.
But, as time passes by, you realize that no matter how much you try, you can’t bring the past times back. You realize you don’t have any strong emotions towards the person next to you, you love and miss someone who doesn’t exist anymore, and you love the idea of that person. When this happens, it’s time to let go. No matter how hard it is, once you realize you love the memories more than the person, it’s time to move on.
The beginning of every relationship is full of butterflies, romance, and passion that you cannot control. We all enjoy the honeymoon phase—when you two just can’t get your hands off each other, when you can’t wait to see him or hear from him. But you can’t expect the same intensity of passion and butterflies for years. The honeymoon phase should be followed by better and more mature things and emotions. Passion and butterflies are amazing, but they are not something a relationship is built on. If the butterflies are gone and nothing is left, you have a problem and you should reconsider your relationship. It’s normal for romance to start fading away after a while, but it’s important to pay attention on how your feelings towards your partner changed after the romance is gone.
People change and therefore feelings and relationships change. And that is okay. But, keep in mind that every relationship needs to be worked on. You can’t expect for things to work out without any effort from both you and your partner. Your relationship needs to be progressive and needs to advance with time. In order for it to survive, it must be adaptable. A relationship should improve, as partners improve.
You have gone through a lot with this person and you owe him a lot. He was there for you when no one else was and you know he loved you. But if you stopped living in the present and stopped making plans about the future with you partner, you should be concerned. If you spend more and more time thinking about how your partner used to treat you and how the two of you were in love and not focusing on how things are right now, that is definitely a red flag. Whether you like to hear it or not, if you are holding on to the past too much, maybe your relationship doesn’t have a future.
You are not in love with your partner anymore, you are in love with your past and all the memories you two had. The only thing that is keeping you in that relationship are those happy memories.
Even when you become aware of this, it’s painful to break it off. When he does something to hurt you, you keep forgiving him, for the sake of the past, and you keep hoping that things will go back as they used to. The harsh truth is that they probably won’t. You don’t love him anymore, you are used to having him in your life and you shouldn’t be with anyone just out of pure habit.
It’s okay to cherish and value those memories, but it’s not okay to stay in a relationship just because of them. People change, but memories stay inside us for a lifetime. It’s always hard when the person who gave you the best memories becomes a memory itself. When this happens, it’s time to be strong enough to let go and patient enough to wait for what you deserve.