Emotional pain tends to be overlooked when it’s coming from a man. Since ancient times, there has been a lot of pressure on men to be tough and not show their soft side. Thus, a lot of men to forget to experience or even indulge in emotions. Even looking at how children are brought up, there is a lot of fuss when a girl child gets hurt or even cries. On the other hand, the boy child who gets hurt while playing and cries is admonished to “act like a man” and crying isn’t considered manly. This is how the young boys grow up to be men who don’t know how to show care or hurt and sometimes they’ll even not show any signs of stress until things sprawl out of control. Before you engage in such behavior ask yourself whether you’ll be happy knowing you raised an emotionally broken man all because you were following the script put out by the society on how “men should act.”
From these experiences, it’s clear that men aren’t the problem but the society that pushes them to be like “men.” Thus, men do have emotions only that they have learned not to show them because they are punished every time they let their guard down. Also, this is why there are lots of emotionally broken men. These men love differently.
How the Emotionally Broken Loves Differently:
a) He never talks about his problems
If your significant other never opens up about the things he’s struggling with there is a chance that he’s keeping it all bottled up. Bottled emotions are dangerous. His inner being we’ll be overwhelmed at some point and this is when he’ll explode. It won’t be a pretty thing to witness. Don’t be harsh to the broken men though. As much as they’d like to talk about what’s bothering them, they also don’t want to look weak.
b) He seems to have everything under control to an extreme extent
Looking at an emotionally broken man from afar you’ll think he’s perfectly normal. However, taking a closer look will lead to the realization that he’s, in fact, fighting himself. An emotionally damaged man tries to overcompensate by maintaining an image a lot of people wouldn’t manage. As much as not every man struggles with this, it does seem to apply to a good number of men.
Having a partner who seems to have it all together is exciting since you will have less baggage to deal with. However, don’t be too caught up in that to forget to read between the lines. Being aware of the signs of an emotionally damaged man will help you realize what is going on early. From there you can start a discussion to find a way to help him.
c) He acts cold often
The emotionally broken man loves fiercely but often he’ll go cold on you. No matter how small the issue is, it can turn him cold. This is one of the signs of an emotionally broken man and it should tell you that he’s dealing with some emotional issues. However, this isn’t always a sign of a damaged man. Sometimes it could just be that you are dating a jerk. Look into the past of the broken men to get a clue of what’s causing the reactions he’s having in the present.
Emotional pain makes the broken men pull away at the slightest issue. However, it isn’t just broken men who have this reaction because even women who have been hurt emotionally will have the same reaction. It has nothing to do with you though. It’s only that they think the problem isn’t worth dealing with and some aren’t even sure about how to handle it in the first place.
d) He doesn’t show emotions or vulnerability
An emotionally damaged man will not say what you want to hear but you can tell he feels and thinks about those things. This can be attributed to the fact that he finds it difficult to embrace his emotional side. A damaged man knows once he lets in the emotions even the negative ones will have to addressed and he’s just not ready for that.
He may be ready to tell you the things you want him to say but holding back because he’s not sure of how to process everything else that comes with those emotions. It will take a lot of time for an emotionally damaged man to work through this but it’s possible to come out on the other side better.
e) He seems to know exactly what he wants
One of the signs of an emotionally broken man is the fact that he seems to know what he wants. This isn’t true though. A damaged man wants everyone to think he has a solution for every problem but it is far from the truth. The emotionally broken man loves to make people think his life is perfect to avoid being judged. He’ll make it seem like he’s fulfilled and complete when on the inside he’s a broken person and unfulfilled to an extent you cannot even fathom.
Thus, that man you think has everything under control is probably putting up a show and doesn’t know a lot of things. He’s only an emotionally broken man who is figuring out his life like everyone else only that he has mastered the art of pretense so that he comes off as a super confident person.
f) The masculinity factor
Remember how men are pushed to be masculine when they are still children? It stays with them even when they are grown-ups. An emotionally broken man wants people to think highly of him. He can’t handle the heartbreak after realizing people don’t think he can manage himself as he believes possible. To a broken person, his emotions are the enemy- if only he realized it isn’t a bad thing to be emotional! He may even come out an unavailable because he’s always preoccupied with preserving the image he has created. Thus, if you are with an unavailable man who never seems to have time to love you a breakup may not be the answer but rather digging deeper to discover where the problem is.
g) He leads a scripted life
Because of the burden of having to put out a certain image, an emotionally broken man leads a scripted life. He will not slip and show his emotional side no matter how much he may love you. To him, that part of him is a bad thing and given a chance he’ll tear it all up and toss it away or just turn it off. This realization will come with a lot of heartbreak and it’s okay to discuss a breakup if you think you can’t handle dating an unavailable man. Be compassionate because no one wakes up and decides to be damaged or broken. However, it doesn’t have to stand in the way of you having a healthy relationship.
h) He overcompensates in relationships
When all is said and done, a damaged person has a lot to offer when it comes to love, compassion, and even kindness. Once he falls in love he will do his best to protect and ride the storms with you. However, no matter how much the emotionally broken man loves, he’ll never let his guard down when it comes to his heart. He’d be willing to let go if he was sure he could control it. However, at the end of the day, he’s human and therefore this isn’t possible. As much as a damaged person is aware of this fact he struggles to accept that.
i) He’s lonely
An emotionally broken man will go to extreme lengths to show how he’s got his life together but this is far from the truth. He’s not just alone in his mind but also lonely, even when he’s surrounded by loved ones. He’s constantly battling himself on whether to let go or control everything. No matter how much he runs from it all there is no escape. This fear and loneliness can be tempered by opening up to a loved one but he’ll never trust anyone enough to let his guard down.
Signs of an emotionally broken man:
1. Constantly compares himself to others
Because of the things he has gone through in his life, the emotionally broken man constantly compares himself to others. On several occasions, he has been told that he’s not good enough. He comes to believe that and the comparison is his attempt to figure out where he stands. You may have a hard time understanding this but to him, it is a big deal.
2. He doesn’t trust easily
The damaging toll an emotionally broken man has been through will make him wary of trusting others. For him to trust you, that trust has to be earned. You cannot just come into the life of a damaged person and hope for trust. Like many other things with a damaged person trust has to be earned.
3. He doesn’t open up about his past
A broken person rarely talks about his past relationships. He fears that telling people about past relationships will leave him exposed and feeling vulnerable and the damaging toll this could have should things go wrong will leave him with a broken heart. He feels that these are his problems to bear and sharing isn’t an option.
4. He doesn’t believe in second chances
The emotionally broken man loves fiercely but he won’t hesitate to cut ties once you make a mistake. He won’t give you a second chance. You only get one chance and no matter how much he loves you he’ll jump ship the moment you hurt him. Even the slightest mistake might leave him with a broken heart but don’t think this will save you once he decides to let you go.
5. He shuts down when something is bothering him
Broken human beings don’t know how to deal with or process emotions. They rarely talk about their problems no matter how stressed they are. If facing a hard time, they’ll just shut down to deal with it alone. You’ll hear from them again once the problem has been sorted and they’ll even have a smile on their faces. This is one of the consequences of being pushed to be “man-like” by society. Trying to get them to talk about what happened will lead to more arguments and problems and they’ll shut down again. It becomes a vicious cycle that is hard to break not to mention how heartbreaking that can be.
6. He’s cautious
A broken man will weigh all the pros and cons before diving into anything. This is more of overanalyzing and obsessing over the options. This caution is born of being let down over and over again in the past and not learning how to work through this. However, a cautious person doesn’t know how to let go and build a healthy relationship. He tends to set unrealistic expectations as well to get the assurance that you will stick by his side through thick and thin. It isn’t healthy though, especially in a long-term relationship because it will feel like you are constantly on the hot seat.
7. He struggles to let things go
Broken men never know how to let go of things even if they have run their course. Even minor things that happened years ago will be held onto far too intensely. However, don’t take this to mean he won’t let you go once he’s disappointed in you. He can cut ties easily with people but when it comes to letting other things go it is a struggle. Broken men hold onto grudges for far too long and because they set unrealistic expectations most of the time, getting on their bad side will be far too easy.
8. He gives up easily
For a human being to give up easily it means he has been let down by a lot of people many times before. With that, it becomes easier for him to accept things when they don’t go his way. This can be good but also bad when it comes to a long-term relationship. A broken man won’t get his hopes up even when he wants something badly. If it doesn’t work out he won’t be crushed and he’ll just stop trying. Giving up is something he has gotten great at over time. However, this isn’t a way to build a healthy relationship. There will be a lot of ups and downs in a long-term relationship and someone who gives up at the slightest issue will probably leave before too long. A lot of people have been through major issues in their relationships and finding solutions rather than giving up is the best move.
9. He doesn’t give anything his all
Being “man like” is defined by not letting your emotions show but in the process of not letting others see your emotions you’ll learn to hold back. This creates a vicious cycle and it will always seem like the man is on the fence about everything. It isn’t the easiest relationship because it feels like you are doing all the work but your efforts aren’t being reciprocated. Emotionally unavailable men operate from a place of standing still in an attempt to be “man like” They are afraid and nervous about putting themselves out there and not getting the outcome they had hoped for. Offering more means they can’t control whatever happens and they may lose the little they have left. There is no shame in wanting to leave such a relationship. However, if you feel you can stand by his side while he works on overcoming all that then you should go ahead and do that.
10. He lacks confidence
An emotionally broken man will struggle with confidence as well. He’ll always feel like he’s falling behind when it comes to being “man like”. The feelings of inadequacy or falling short in people-pleasing will destroy his confidence. This makes him feel like he can’t hold his own. On the same note, he’ll find it hard to believe that any woman who looks his way actually likes him for who he is. He might even push you away because he feels like you deserve better. It may take a lot of reassurance to convince him that he’s enough and you love him for him. Do it in a way that doesn’t destroy his confidence even further though. No matter how much you reassure him remember that he’s fragile
Broken men are in a constant battle with themselves on the inside and a sense of control helps with that. Therefore, if your significant other is obsessed with being in control all the time it is a sign that he is emotionally broken. No one likes to be controlled and this will not sit right with you. However, exploding on him and calling him out about this habit will not solve the problem. Nevertheless, it doesn’t mean you have to excuse the behavior. Once you let the first one slide it will be downhill from there onward. You need to have a sit-down and be clear about how you feel. As much as he is broken it doesn’t give him a free ticket to treat you like a toy. Set boundaries and make it clear that you won’t tolerate being treated any less than you deserve. In doing so you’ll also be helping him to deal with his issues in a healthy manner rather than projecting to others.
12. He always distancing himself without even realizing it
For an emotionally broken man, being hurt will trigger him to distance himself from other people. You may not even realize it at the start and he may not even be aware he’s doing that. The distancing is in an attempt to ensure he doesn’t end up hurt again. This happens gradually and by the time you wrap your head around what is happening he may even have cut ties with you completely. You need to be observant. Take note of every slight change in his behavior. If he keeps on blowing you off or canceling plans at the last minute bring it up immediately. The more you let the behavior slide the worse it becomes and by the time you are addressing it, the relationship might be too far gone to be saved. It’s better to end things early than just sitting and waiting for the spark to fizzle.
13. He thinks kindness is a ploy to get favors
Being manipulated by other people makes an emotionally broken man think that your sweet gestures are tricks to manipulate him. It may not be true but in his mind, things are quite different. Given the hefty price he has paid in the past from manipulation from other people, his mind may automatically go in defense mode once you show kindness. Keep this in mind and be kind when you are pointing out that you are actually coming from a place of genuineness when you show kindness.
14. He has twisted responses to your love
For an emotionally broken man, his life has been full of abuse, criticism, and manipulation from others. This makes him think that everyone is doing the same and he doesn’t know how it feels like or looks to be loved for who he is. Thus, he’s likely going to have a twisted response to your affection. Respond by giving more affection and love. Over time he’ll feel safe around you and relax enough to reciprocate the love you are giving out.
If you are open to dating a man who is broken you need to weigh the good and the bad. We cannot help who we fall in love with but it’s up to you to decide whether the relationship is worth your time and effort. You shouldn’t stay hoping to change an emotionally broken man because that’s not always possible. Be sure you can handle what you see from the beginning because there is a high possibility it’s what you’ll get. You can do your best to help a damaged man but you cannot take away the damage.