Love Relationships

5 Signs You Are Not in Love, But “In Lust”

Written by Karen Clark

Sometimes, lust and love are easily confused and mixed, especially in the initial stages of a relationship. But, there is a huge difference. Both emotions make you feel similar, but definitely don’t last the same. And definitely don’t have the same characteristics. If you are in doubt whether those feelings you have are love or you are just feeling lust, here are some clues.


When you are in lust, you just tell him what he wants to hear. You don’t show the true you and put on a façade, because you want to fulfill the other person’s expectations. You are not as sincere as you are when you are in love. You want this person to like you as much as possible and you constantly aim to please him. You probably agree with most things he says and every joke he makes is hilarious. You are never harsh on him and you always soften the truth because you don’t want to hurt him and want to avoid tensions. When you are in love, you will always be straight with your partner and tell him how things really are, and you both know you are doing it for his own good.

Physical attraction

When you are in lust, the person you are dating is perfect in your eyes and everything revolves around physical attraction. You can’t keep your hands off him even if you wanted to. It’s like you are blind, you literally don’t notice any of his physical imperfections. He appears taller, his smile appears brighter, and if a male top model walks into a room, you would still only notice your boyfriend. When you are in lust, you are not realistic and are driven only by your hormones which attract you to this person. When you are in love, you don’t perceive him as a Greek god anymore, but you are in love with all of his imperfections. And what is most important, you wouldn’t change a thing, because you are in love with him just the way he is.

Excitement vs. Stability

In the beginning, passion is everything. You can’t sleep, you can’t eat, and all you can think of is him. You are excited whenever you are about to meet him and you want to spend every free moment with him. When you are in lust, everything about your relationship is chaotic and dramatic. The fights are intense and the make-ups are even more memorable. And you like that adrenaline. It’s what attracts you to your boyfriend, it’s what keeps the relationship alive. But, that is not a firm foundation for a relationship. When you are in love, you enjoy the stability. There is of course less fire, but you are more than okay with that.

Everything is about sex

When your relationship is founded on lust, having sex is the most important thing. Everything you do, you do for a goal of having sex. Your primary motivation to stay with your partner is the bedroom. If you two are not compatible in bed, you would probably leave him. When you come to think about it, you are not able to communicate because everything is always sexual. When you fight, you make up in the bedroom. But when you are in love, things are quite different. Sex is still a very important aspect of the relationship, but there are other important qualities you love about this person.

You are not friends

If your relationship is based on lust, you are not friends with this person. You don’t feel the need to tell him your secrets and problems nor do you feel the need to hear about his. You don’t really know this person because you rarely spend quality time together in which you could bond and get to know each other. What is even more important, it seems like you are not even interested in getting to know each other. Although you spend most of your time together in bed, there is no real intimacy. When you are in love, everything is different. You consider this person your friend and not just your romantic and sexual partner.

5 Signs You Are Not in Love, But “In Lust”