I Still Love My Ex-boyfriend, But I’m Never Going Back

Semsa B.
Written by Semsa B.

I’ve had plenty of broken hearts in my time. I don’t mind so much. I think a broken heart reminds you that you’ve lost something precious, but it’s not worth holding on to if it hurts you. That’s why even though I still love my ex-boyfriend, I’m never going back to him. Not even if he begs me.

There was a time when he was everything and more to me. He was my best friend. He was the one person I felt that I could be myself around. He was the one that picked me up when I was down. And then suddenly he was telling me there was someone else. He told me he wanted to end what we had. And I let him go, because you can’t cling to someone who doesn’t need or want you.

He broke my heart, but the love remained. It’s a feeling I’ve had before. When you don’t have enough time to heal from heartbreak, the feelings remain. And that’s what happened to me. I saw my ex-boyfriend again when I hadn’t had the time to patch my wounds. And he gave me that smile I know so well, and I knew nothing had been healed. Nothing had been solved. I still love my ex-boyfriend, even if he’s long gone and moved on.

We started to talk a little. It was a way to stop the heartbreak, in some ways. It felt good to be closer to him again. It felt a little like old times. But in the back of my mind, I knew what I was doing was unhealthy. It felt good to be talking to him again, but it was a stab in the back each time I remembered he was with someone else.

One night, I think he felt it too. We were talking about everything and anything. We were up past midnight. One am passed. Two am came and went. And at three am, he admitted he still loved me. He told me he’d made a mistake ending things with me. And I told him he did make a mistake. Because even though I still love my ex-boyfriend, I can’t be with him. It’s not enough to apologize. It’s not as easy as pretending nothing happened. He lost my trust. He made me think I wasn’t good enough. And then it took him months to figure out that I was the missing piece he was looking for.

So I told him no. If he asks again, I’ll say no. I’ll always tell him no. I still love my ex-boyfriend, but he’s not worth another minute of my time.