Conflicts are normal and a natural part of every relationship. Conflicts are healthy and are way better for a relationship than fleeing from problems. If you try to escape from your problems, they will catch you sooner or later. Conflicts are a sign that both of you care for your relationship and consider it worth fighting for. But, the way you and your partner argue and resolve conflicts and tensions reflects the state of your relationship. If you want to change the quality of your relationship and improve it, the first thing you have to work on is communication. And conflicts are important part of communication. If you two are not able to resolve your fights without insulting and yelling, you have some deeper issues you need to work on as soon as possible. Accept conflicts as a part of every relationship and don’t expect your relationship to be conflict-free. Healthy relationships are not successful because couples don’t argue. They are successful because couples know how to handle these arguments in a mature way. Here are 3 tips for resolving conflicts in a healthy way.
Respect your partner
Even when you and your boyfriend have different opinions and attitudes towards some issue, you should always respect his opinion. Of course, you think you are right and that your points are valid. But, never impose your beliefs and attitudes on him. Whatever the fight is about and no matter how intense it is, never insult your partner! People insult and disrespect each other when they know they are not right and when they are out of valid points. That is the biggest sign of weakness. Never try to put down or patronize your partner during a conflict. Always have in mind that the two of you are equal partners in this relationship and that his opinion is as important as yours. Listen to what your partner has to say with patience. Keep in mind that you can never change his opinion. And you shouldn’t try to do that. You two should find a compromise and find a middle way between your attitudes. Be an open-minded person who is willing to honor others, especially your partner.
Never lose control
No matter how angry you are, it’s important never to lose control. When you are arguing with your boyfriend, your heart beats faster, you feel like your head is burning, and your hands are sweating. That means that rage has taken over you. But, you will not accomplish anything productive when you are like this. So, do nothing! Pause, move away from the situation, and try to stay as calm as possible. Focus on your breathing and count to 10. Sometimes counting to 10 is not enough. Sometimes you need a few hours or even an entire day to regain tranquillity. Take the time you need for your emotions and mind to settle. When you regain control on yourself and when you get the clarity you need, then act. If you do this, you will be able to see if the thing that upset you was even worth fighting for.
Learn to forgive
Nelson Mandela said, “Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.“ If you don’t learn to forgive, the only person you are hurting is yourself. It’s important to forgive others, but it is also crucial to learn to forgive yourself. Don’t blame yourself for things done or said in the past. Learn to take responsibility for the things you’ve said or done, learn to apologize, and then forgive yourself. You should act in the same way towards others, especially towards your partner. Of course, there are some deal-breakers and things you can’t allow or forgive, but don’t hold on to every little thing that happened. And if you forgave someone something, don’t bring it out in the next argument. Learn from your mistakes, cherish the experience they’ve given you, but accept the fact that you can’t change the past or delete some things. Focus on the future and the things you can improve and let go of the rest. If your partner is worth fighting for, look forward, and don’t let resentment eat you from inside and ruin your relationship.