There are many people who consider that one simple expression ‘I love you’ is very difficult to say to anyone. The truth really is that these words can leave a man speechless, delighted, shocked, ashamed or it can be all of it mixed up. Unlike the first time, after you once said it, it becomes so easy to keep telling it every day in any situation, in front of everyone. Soon enough it becomes as simple as breathing. But if you ever asked yourself of what love truly is, except the inspiring experience of joy, fulfillment, true pleasure, ecstasy, then you can realize there is one of the highest expression of one true love and among other things. It calls trust.
Trust is something that ordinary love cannot give – freedom and space. Trust is very much like strong experience where a person can have freedom of spirit, and as much understanding as needed, when we talk about personal space. Whether we like admit it or not, simple phrase ‘I trust you’ is said less frequently than ‘I love you’, but still is more powerful and important to hear.
But there is something that needs to be understood. Considering that having trust in someone is not so easy like we think, there are many couples who split up. It is because people can trust in others only if they believe themselves. Confidence comes from self-confidence. How can you trust anyone if you don’t trust yourself? So it’s no problem in other people, it is for sure something deep about you.
What is not right about people who don’t trust themselves? Well, those people don’t have a very nice picture of themselves, they self-condemning themselves. They have constantly feel of guilty, and always feel bad. They are trying to prove they are not that bad, and they are defending themselves, but deeply they know that they can be so much better. Many of those people are something like lost when it is about love.
Psychologists deem that self-confidence and trust have some deeply rooted problem with mother in your very early childhood. It’s about the way you are raised – connection to your mother, and her loving you. If there is a nice and healthy relationship with your mother including sensitivity, emotions etc. then the trust will naturally appear. Surrounded by love in childhood, confidence appears until someone roughly tries to create distrust. But that will be an exception. Perhaps the trust in that person has been ruined, but you will not begin to lose confidence in all mankind.
But if there is a basic lack of trust (wrong relationship with mother), then distrust becomes your basic feature. You don’t have confidence in anyone, and then if someone wants you to trust him, he must be persistent, very hard. Even then, you will trust him conditionally. That confidence will not be deep enough. It will be very shallow and it will be directed only to that one person.
After we allow ourselves to have confidence and deeply trust someone, then we are about to let another human to come into our heart and our soul. After accepting someone’s good intentions so deeply, and after we are aware that now they are so close to us that we cannot defend ourselves anymore, we become wide open to love and trust. Trust like this is much deeper and significant than any other love. There is an entirely new world inside of this true love and connection to another human. Love which is based on trust is one holy world in which we have limitless freedom and interminable space. There is no need to have fear of betrayal or loss. Love that means you are there, in it, now and forever.
Being happy enough to have both love and trust, is something you do not ever take for granted. Point is to have love and trust grow so that they can last a lifetime. But for me, “trust above love”.