My Pain Was Real

I thought you were a great guy who knew what you wanted and knew exactly what to say because I thought you really cared about me. But all that was a lie. You actually tricked me in the beginning. Everything was one big lie what I found out too late. And to be honest, all that we ‘had’ was the worst thing that ever happened to me.

You were the type of guy who didn’t know what you had. You had me, a beautiful, kind and loving girl, but you didn’t care about it. Actually, you were ‘too cool’ to be committed. You believed that you deserve every girl, but you didn’t. Now I know that you didn’t deserve me, and I don’t care about others.

Unfortunately too late I figured out that being your second choice wasn’t going to fly. Because you were always my first choice. Our ‘relationship’ wasn’t a game for me like it was for you. I thought I was falling for a guy who cared about my feelings and truly wanted to be with me. Not a guy who couldn’t decide what was important. Me? Or every other thing, or every other girl in your life?

All that killed me. My pain was real. Because all that was real for me, our relationship was real for me. My love was real, but for you, it was all a joke. I gave you everything and you were just playing with me.

I loved you, and no matter how we ended up I learned a valuable lesson. Never again I am going to let myself fall for a guy who stops putting me in the first place. I need someone who will have the intention of being with me for a long, long time. Someone who will have a real feeling for me, and someone who won’t look at me like I am some kind of fun for him. For me, commitment is the biggest goal, so I need someone who has the same opinion.

Because of you, I became so much stronger, and I learned so much. Even you broke me. Actually, I grew into a stronger and better woman, and now I know what I want and what I expect in a relationship.

One day you will realize that you lost a diamond, and you will try to come back. And one day you will miss all the effort I put into our relationship. I need to thank you, because of you now I know the difference between someone who really cares and someone who acts like they do. My pain was real so never again I am going to be someones second choice. If I put him in the first place, also he has to put me first.

You were something special for me. I connected with you so deeply, and I did anything to make us work. But now I know that all of that was in vain. And what I know for sure that you will come back one day, I just know. But darling, you screwed me once, I’m not going to allow you to screw me again.

If I get in that place where I will miss you so much, I am not going to forget about the bad things you did to me before. Now I am smarter, so I won’t allow my heart to trick my head. You haven’t changed. You would drown me again into your toxicity. And I am not going to let you. Because you are still selfish as before. And I know if I let you to come back to me you will leave me again insecure and broken.

I know you, I know that you will say anything to get me back. I am not going to fall for your lies again. Your ‘I love you’ doesn’t mean anything to me now. I just know that you still love yourself more than anything. That is you. And you are never going to change.

And when you come back, I’m not going to try to fix you like before. That is not loving. Love is not when you were sabotaging my happiness and our relationship. You are not ready to do something different. So we are not going to be together again. You need to understand that.

I don’t need your apologies, your regret. Maybe my heart will be ready to give you another chance, but my head knows it better. Never again I am going to be your second, or third option. Never.

My pain was real, and I was in that pain because of you. And I don’t need you to fulfill me. I know that you don’t deserve me. You never did. So, I am never going to be yours. You are not worth.

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