I Deserve Someone Better Than You
When I was with you I always had a feeling that you are not giving your best. Maybe I was excepting something more because I was giving my best. And I was trying really hard to make us work. But you were acting like you are not in our relationship.
You are not a part of my life for a long time, and I finally understand some things. Now I know how much I deserve to be loved. I deserve someone who will love me and will give me a strength, and not take it away. You always had a habit to silence me, control me, manipulate me. But all that is past. I won’t let anyone again to treat me that way. Because of you, I was walking on eggshells.
I deserve to be loved unconditionally, every day. Not just on the days when everything is fine when everything is going a good way. To be honest, you never deserved me, and I never deserved all that shit I was dealing with when we were together.
Every time when I was hurt and in pain, you tried to gaslight me. And you always were like ‘you are crazy’, or ‘ you’re overreacting’ and things like that. I was hurt for a reason. And you were the reason for my pain, but always you were trying to escape accountability for your actions. Because of you, I wasn’t able to trust myself or to trust others. Actually you were abusing me, and unfortunately, I figured it out too late. But look at me now, you don’t own me anymore. I am not your slave. And I have my life.
For too long you were projecting your toxicity onto me.
You always wanted me to take responsibility for your behavior, and you always made me feel ashamed of myself. In our relationship, I actually was babysitting your fragile ego. I never have to put up with it, but you made me to. All blame is on you. Not on me.
You exploited my hear, my kind heart. Now I know that I deserve someone who will challenge me to be better. And not someone like you, someone who will put me down. You made me abandon myself in the effort to keep our relationship. Damn, how stupid I was. You hurt me, you hurt me really bad, and I didn’t deserve that. No one deserves that pain.
I lost my precious time and energy on trying to make you change. You never wanted to be changed. Not even because of me, or because of our love. You were selfish, and you actually was enjoying in my pain. And you were like an emotional vampire, you sucked my love. And now I understand that my love was never enough for you. I was never enough. Now I am not giving a shit about you, I am no longer wasting my love on you, now I am loving myself.
I deserve someone who is not like you.
Someone who will listen to me when I am upset. For you, I was always too sensitive, or never satisfied. I couldn’t express my emotions about your toxic behavior. You put me down, you destroyed me. And you never wanted to lift me up or build me up. And that is why I need someone who will show me all the things that make me beautiful and special.
You were pulling me down constantly, you were trying to not pick me.
And you scapegoated me in any way you could. When we were together it did not matter how much I was giving, or what have I done, you always found a way to put all blame on me. Your goal was to make me work for your love. And all my flaws and weaknesses you were using against me. Because that was making you happy. My pain was making you happy.
With you, I lost my confidence, you knocked down my dreams. And you always were jealous of my strength and happiness, and actually, you were trying to poison it. You on purpose provoked me, sabotaged my goals, ruined celebrations, and vacations. Everything we had was followed by abuse, frustration, and disrespect. Whatever you were doing, you were doing it just to control me. Because you knew how amazing I was, and that I could be happy without you.
So, I deserve someone who will make me feel like a little kid again. Someone who will look at me like I am something amazing, and magical. And definitely, I deserve someone who will take my hand when I am nervous when I am in a bad mood. I deserve someone who will break down my walls because they truly love me, all of me.
After all, I had with you, I deserve someone who is not like you. Someone who is not like you at all.