I believe that most of us were raised to put others first. You simply have to do that because that is the right thing to do, no matter how you feel about that. Your feelings are not really important. But if everyone cared that much about others, wouldn’t we be living in a perfect world?
Clearly, that is not the case. How many times did someone ask you for your advice, money or time and how many times did you actually feel obligated to give it to them? You know, because that is the right thing to do… Is it ok to say ‘no’? Do you have to be selfless at any cost? Is it ok to be selfish sometimes? First of all, let me tell you that yes, it is ok to be selfish sometimes. Here and there you have to put yourself first in order to stay sane. There is nothing wrong with that.
I reached the point in my life where I was just tired, tired of helping, tired of doing things for others and never getting anything in return, not even a simple ‘thank you’. Then I realized I had to stop. I was very frustrating. Then I started to lose my faith in relationships, whether it was a romantic relationship or a friendship. I am not trying to portrait myself as an angel right now, but I am very empathic and it is very easy to take advantage of me.
I had decided to start slow, take it easy, step by step. First, I had to learn how to say ‘no’ to my best friend. I started with the little things, such as going out. If I wasn’t feeling like going somewhere, I simply said ‘no’. And she didn’t even have a problem with that. Sure, it was a new thing for her too, but she understood and she was happy for me. Turns out, all that pressure was just in my head. It felt really great to finally do that. I felt free.
Then I had to learn how to ask for help. That was really hard because you feel like you have to swallow your pride and ask someone for a favor, and that is not easy at all. But once you understand that no one can go through life alone and that it is ok to ask for help from time to time, it will get easier. You can be very independent and still ask for help if you need it, there is nothing wrong with that. Once you understand that, life will get way easier for you. And just to be clear, asking for help does not make you selfish!
So many of us stay in a relationship or we stay friends with someone who is not right for us just because we don’t want to hurt their feelings. Always be honest with yourself. If someone makes you feel not so good about yourself, you need to get rid of that person. Everything can be done by a simple conversation. Explain yourself, tell that person what bothers you, why you feel that you need to part ways and if that person does nothing to change in order to keep you in his or her life, then that’s it. That’s all folks.
Moving forward, to those living with roommates, we all had that roommate from hell, right? Oh my gosh, there was this girl, we lived together. She was so rude, never wanted to clean, not even after herself. We were at college. I was never able to study because she always had a group of people with her and they were always partying and having a blast. Until one day I survived a meltdown and kicked her out of the apartment.
Of course, I talked to her, I tried to explain my situation and where I’m coming from, but it just didn’t matter to her. Maybe kicking her out wasn’t the best thing I did bud I just couldn’t take it anymore. I had to do it. Therefore, it is perfectly fine to put yourself first sometimes and be a little selfish. It is funny but people will respect you more if you do.
It is hard when you are a people pleaser.
You are always there for everyone, always willing to help but no one really cares because they are used to you doing things for them. It is essential to learn to say ‘no’. You have to do it for yourself and you have to learn how to please yourself. It is ok to spoil yourself from time to time.
Of course, this doesn’t mean that it is ok to always be selfish, don’t be an asshole but love yourself in order to be able to love others. You have to take care of yourself first. The world we live in is really funny – people will have more respect for you if you stand up for yourself and if you say ‘no’ to them without explaining yourself. Being always there for them is not that interesting and respectful, you know (eye-roll)….
Bottom line, don’t be an asshole, our poor planet is full of those but, stand up for yourself. Unfortunately, no one else will. Understand that it is perfectly fine to take a break from time to time. Sometimes you are just sick and tired of everything, just turn off your phone, make some popcorn and turn on your favorite TV-show.
A few hours later you will be recharged and happy, probably even forget that thing that made you go nuts. Also, being a little selfish will help you recognize that toxic person that wants to drain all the energy out of your body. Lord knows we don’t need that kind of person in our life. Enjoy your life, because you only live once. It is a cliché but it is true. We only have one life and we deserve to have fun and be happy.