When You Come Back To Me

When you decided to come back into my life, to start all over again, you gave me a feeling that no one else could so far. Life had sense again, and I felt whole. It was amazing, my soul was alive again. And I was happy for the first time in a very long time.

But somewhere deep inside me, I had a feeling that everything will be the same. I had a feeling that you didn’t change. Another you, actually another your personality who broke me once, was still there, I knew it. I knew it will show up. And again I will end up broken, burnt, confused. But the most important thing is that I will be angry at myself for allowing all that to happen again.

My life would be hell again, and I did not want to allow it, to allow it again.

Maybe for a moment, I forget all things you did to me before, but in very next moment everything was so clear. You need to know that I will never forget the reason why you left me, and I will never forget that pain. Pain that destroys body and soul. I will never forget all nights I cried till I had no teas left. And never, ever, I will forget all your games, those manipulations, and the way you drowned me in your toxicity.

You will never be able to love me the way I love you. And you never could. The only person you can love so much is yourself. You will always love yourself more. I don’t want to be your emotional punching bag, not anymore.

Before I was stupid and naive, I still love you, but I will never fall for your crap, not ever again.

Darling, I love you, but I’m not going to take you back.

Maybe I was broken when you left. Not maybe, I was actually broken. But deep inside me, your leaving was actually the most positive thing. I could be myself again. I could live again.

Now I know that I deserve someone who never leaves when things get hard and bad. Someone who will be my sun when there are storms inside me. And someone who will deserve me, and who will love me no matter what.

Maybe I will love you forever, maybe you will always be something special to me, but I will never let you to come back to me, to be near me again. Never.