My last relationship left a big scar on me and my heart.
I was physically abused, and it left big marks on my life. I wasn’t able and still, I’m not to leave all memories behind.
He was my everything and he wounded me so bad. I couldn’t bring my life together when he left.
I was scared so much to open my heart again and to feel love again.
Then I met you. You came into my life when I was a big mess.
For me, first months were just a game. I was just playing with you because I wasn’t ready for anything serious.
But you were there with me when nobody would. I told you that I still love my ex and that I would be together with him again if he just called or came, and you stayed.
You were doing your best. You were by my side even when I didn’t deserve it.
You were trying really hard to win my heart.
As time passes I fell in love with you. You were everything that my ex-wasn’t. You were doing things that he never did.
I fell for you really hard.
I was alive again.
I know that sometimes I hurt you, but that’s all because I was afraid to feel love again, to love and be loved.
It was all me, you were doing great.
But in one moment you became the person who I couldn’t recognize.
Because of my past, and all things I did to you before, I was guilty of everything.
You were the one who loved more, who cared more, who was giving the best.
Whatever I have done wasn’t enough.
No matter how much I tried, and I try my hardest, it still wasn’t enough.
You didn’t see anything good.
I always had to prove my love.
You were talking that I’m not even trying, that you are the one who loves more, that I don’t respect you, and things like that.
And that hurt. I was giving my best, I loved you as much as I could, and I still do, but for you, that wasn’t enough, and still isn’t.
You were talking that you are the one who fights for us, who is doing things that I would never do for you and for our relationship.
And one day, when you screwed the things up, again in your eyes it was my fault. And you decided to not call, to not text or to come to talk me.
And I couldn’t go against myself. I knew that it’s not my fault, you screwed but you wanted me to fight for us.
I’m sorry for that but I couldn’t.
I already was fighting for the relationship when I shouldn’t once, and it cost me a lot.
I’m sorry, but I wasn’t ready to fight in vain again.
I loved you, I still do, but I’m done with fighting for someone who thinks that he loves more than I do, who think that I don’t care about him.
You didn’t see what I did for you. And I know you will never be able to.
Because you are convinced that you are only one who is trying hard to make this relationship work.
You are convinced that you love more and care more than me.
I just can’t go through all that shit again.
Once I was fighting when I wasn’t guilty, and it just destroyed me.
I’m not ready to do that again.
I love you more than I loved him, there is no doubt about it.
I care about you more than I cared about him.
You are everything for me. I gave you everything. But it still isn’t enough.
I just can’t go through all that again.
I’m sorry, I’m sorry.
But this time it’s your fault.
You gave up this time, not me.
You decide to destroy us, not me.
And I will not let you convince me that this is my fault.
Darling, it’s yours, and it always will be yours.
I’m not going to beg you, to call you, to text you. I’m not that kind of girl.
I’m not going to beg for love.
I miss you. You are still the favorite part of me, but I’m done.
If you don’t care to fix the things, I care less.
Be happy, enjoy your life, but you lost me, and you will regret.
I am yours „the one that got away“.