When you’re the one who’s been left the road to recovery is long, but there so many things to find comfort in. You have a person to blame, there’s nothing else you could have done and you will eventually move on. However, we tend to forget that those who initiate the break up are not always 100% emotion-free and ready to move on. Sometimes, people break up because relationships become toxic, because of the circumstances, because they had to. When you’re on the other side of the story it might be even harder to cope with the breakup.

Breaking up with someone often comes with a huge portion of guilt and pressure from the outside. You gathered all this strength to finally end something and now you’re being blamed for ending it. In their eyes, you have basically given up on fixing things in your relationship and you’re the reason it’s over—that’s how it seems.

Well, take a moment and applaud yourself for ending a relationship you’ve realized is not good for you. People have such a hard time valuing self-care and self-appreciation—to the point where many stay in toxic relationships just because they don’t want to hurt another person by leaving.

Try looking at things from a different angle; you’ve done this person a favor on a long run. If, for whatever reason, you’re not invested in your relationship anymore- leaving is the best thing you can do for both of you. By breaking up you’re causing immediate pain, yes, but you’re also being painfully honest to both parties involved in this mess. That’s a very brave thing to do.

Blame-game will inevitably take its course and affect you; among your mutual friends, your family members, even your acquaintances—everyone wants to have a say. Remember why you did this and don’t justify yourself more than necessary.

Most importantly, take your time to grieve. The fact that you initiated the breakup doesn’t mean you are not dealing with a lot of feelings. Take your time to heal and get out of the habit of having this person around. Self-care is important and you made a great first step. Stay on that road.