Heartbreak Love Relationships

My Life Without You Is Huge Mess

Written by Peggysue

No matter what you did to me, I can’t stop loving you. I just can’t stop.

 

I am just overwhelmed by a rollercoaster of intense emotions, denial, fear, anger, guilt, and sorrow.

 

You claimed to love me so deeply but you mistreat me so badly.

 

Every day it takes me monumental effort for me to get out of bed.

 

I am torturing myself. I keep avoiding my phone calls, I can’t go out, I just turn down invitations from my friends.

 

I’m just numb inside.

 

I am fighting with my emotional pain, I’m trying to kill my emotional pain with wine, with food, again with wine.

 

I can’t go out of my darkness. I just crawl under the covers and cry.

 

I’m trying to move on with my life, but it’s really hard because all I think about is you.

 

All my anger I direct to my family and friends.

 

I can barely stay awake in the daytime. But when night comes I have insomnia, and I need medication to fall asleep.

 

But when I fall asleep I have nightmares about you. And I don’t know what’s worse, when I don’t sleep or when I sleep, in both cases you are on my mind.

 

I hate that feeling when I have flashbacks. I hear our song or fell the scent of your cologne, then in one second all our memories come back, and it kill me.

 

I keep isolating myself. I don’t want to live my room or my house. I am feeling better when I’m alone.

 

Sometimes I have little panic attacks, and anxiety is killing me. My weight drop drastically.

 

At first, I also had thoughts of suicide. But not now.

 

Depression overtakes me and my mind just shuts down. I am unable to concentrate on anything.

 

In one moment I’m so mad at you and I just want to kill you, but next minute comes to the wave of grief and I’m drowning in tears.

 

I can’t stop blaming myself. I know that you berated and abused me, but sometimes I believe that I did something wrong.

 

I’m so afraid. I am afraid of what is going to happen without you. I’m afraid I won’t be able to take care of myself.

 

I know that my recovery won’t happen overnight, but I need it really bad.

 

I know that one day I will be doing fine, and I will be better, but now I’m having a bad time,  and I desperately need my life back, I want to live again.

 

 

 

About the author

Peggysue

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