The Do’s and Don’ts of How to Stop Over-thinking and Ruining Your Relationship
Are you someone who tends to over-analyze the simplest of situations and dissect it to an extent where you can no longer make sense of it? Well, here’s the good news. You are not the only over-thinker around. Many of us have been recognized by others as being an over-thinker. And why blame them? The anxiety that goes into critiquing even the most normal circumstances is exhausting not just for us but also for them. However, the worst effect this constant worry can have is on your relationship with your partner. This article is about battling this idle habit of over-thinking which will eventually ruin your beautiful relationship and your sense of worth.
Start with identifying what goes on inside our mind when we enter that over-analyzing mode. We hear or see something and then formulate a question about it in our head. Or you find yourself pondering over some past events and getting stuck there. It happens automatically and suddenly without any prior warning or symptom. It catches you off-guard. And it can often get annoying because these are the very things we want to forget or avoid getting preoccupied with and yet, our interesting mind decides to focus on them. You will constantly ask yourself why you did or did not do something or how you should have resolved an issue or how you could have responded to a crisis in a better way. This is followed by a whole stream of recurring thoughts that prevent you from staying calm and happy.
Every time you are confronted by such unproductive and disappointing thoughts, it helps to know that you are taking that event and analyzing it under a microscope. You are missing the bigger picture such as what prompted you to take the best possible action then or how often your partner replies to your messages instantly. Instead, you segregate this one instance from others and critique it from an anxiety-provoking lens. Consequently, your mind gives up the capacity to come up with alternate reasons for why something must have happened or is happening right now.
For example, there can be a thousand reasons why your partner was unable to reply to your text message immediately. Each time you see yourself going down the over-thinking road, look for exceptions to the rule such as – have there been instances when he did respond without any delay? If yes, how often does he reply immediately versus replying late? Or is he someone who tends to postpone such things in general even when it comes to others? When you ask yourself these questions, you are being a devil’s advocate so that you don’t get caught up in your usual “whys” and “why nots”.
Learn to accept and let go of it. You can control certain aspects of your life; the others cannot be governed by you. It is high time to learn to accept things that come your way and let go of those that don’t align with your expectations. Pressurizing your brain till it explodes will not make the problem go away. Focus all your energy on what can be controlled and do whatever it takes to get the best out of it.
Repeat the mantra – “I am okay. They are okay. We are okay.” These words can have a tremendous effect on the way we perceive a situation. Repeat these words every time you find yourself over-thinking a problem that does not deserve so much strain on your mind and body. 90% of the times when we are over-thinking, we are creating an issue that does not exist. Repeating this mantra over and over again brings us back to reality that we are doing absolutely okay and so is everyone around us.
Trust is the way to go. Trust yourself and others. When you are over-thinking, you are either blaming yourself for having caused a problem or someone else. The blame game has to stop if you are to cherish a healthy relationship with your partner. Remember that you are a good human being and so is your partner. The only mistake you are committing right now is worrying excessively even about the right things you have done.