How To Survive A Breakup

Written by Chloe M.

Breaking someone’s heart is never fun.

Maybe the love just isn’t there anymore and you want to move on. But how to do it in a way that honors what you used to have — and do it with integrity and maturity? Sure, everyone knows you don’t dump by text message (though many do!) but there are so many other ways you can move on and still keep your soul intact.


    Be honest

    “Honesty is the best approach in breaking up with someone you’ve fallen out of love with. You can gently let your partner know that your feelings have changed and it’s time to go separate ways. Sometimes your partner will recognize that s/he feels similarly. However, it can be quite painful if your partner is still in love with you and is not ready to break up. The most mature and thoughtful thing to do is tell the truth and trust that in time your partner will see this as an opportunity in disguise.”

    Avoid guilty as an easy way out

    When we love someone but realize for whatever reason that it simply isn’t working it’s best to step into our way and take responsibility by describing our needs and feelings. To do this be gentle, avoid critiquing your partner, avoid blame, describe yourself and your inner world rather than what’s wrong with your partner. This will help you manage the inevitable conflict that accompanies the disappointment of a breakup and also help each of you be more open and aware of how to soothe one another in the process.” You can explain that the time you spent together was real and worthwhile.” Remember, you have a right to your feelings — even if, at the moment, they don’t make much sense.

    Explaining things clearly

    You do not have to defend your decision or blame, or explain. But disappearing because you don’t want to risk any kind of an awkward scene is for cowardly babies. Life is full of awkwardness — stand in your integrity and realize you have a right to move on — and your partner has a right to know you aren’t being held hostage in someone’s basement. If you’ve spent any significant amount of time with your partner, or moved to physical intimacy, or even had more than a couple of dates, you owe your partner a goodbye.

    No texting

    I think this is okay in some cases, but in others, it is absolutely wrong. Someone you’ve been seriously involved with, but who hasn’t done anything to betray you or otherwise bust the boundaries of your relationship is owed an in-person chat. Make a date somewhere that allows for privacy to tell them that your relationship has come to an end. Begin the conversation on a positive note: “We have had a good time together, created great memories, and this is about me, and what I think is best for both of us for our future. I will always care about you, hold you in high regard, but at this time, I am ending the relationship.”

    Let Go

    You’ve broken up with your ex, possibly hurt that person very badly, now let him or her heal. This means not checking in with little messages asking if everything is OK, and declaring once again how much you loved this person. This is only going to give him or her hope where there should not be hope, and stall him or her moving on. Be honest with yourself about what you’re doing — chances are your ego wants to keep the person “on ice” in case you change your mind. Be an adult and don’t use someone who loved you for validation.

    About the author

    Chloe M.