The hardest part of any relationship is when there’s a breakup.
The idea that you fully committed yourself to something and it didn’t work is at the very least terrifying.
After a relationship ends, everything good usually turns bad. The love, care, and support have disappeared. You’re alone, wondering how you can move on.
We all leave a piece of us in our previous relationship and it gets harder and harder to find your way back.
It feels like your whole life ends when you lose the one you love.
You spent so much time together and now this other person has gone and you are struggling to make things the way they were before.
I know how hard it can be but I also know that this doesn’t mean that it’s the end of the world.
Yes, you will go through pain, but guess what? You will feel even better after it.
You just need some time to put the pieces back together to see the bigger picture.
When I went through my first breakup, I had a feeling that everything around me was falling apart.
There didn’t seem to be a light at the end of the tunnel. It was like being stuck, with no exit door in sight.
I barely talked or ate and the people around me forgot how I looked when I smiled.
Everything was dark and depressing and I fought with a pain I had never felt before.
At one point, I realized that I was destroying myself over something that didn’t make any sense.
‘‘I can’t see a future because some guy left me. Really? Am I going crazy?”
That was the time I realized that I had to pull myself together. So, I got out of my bed, cleaned my room, and took out a pen and a piece of paper.
I started writing down my goals for the future, my positive sides, and the reasons why we were not meant to be.
I desperately needed something that would shake me on the inside, showing me that the world was not ending just because I had broken up with a guy I thought was the one.
Years have passed since my first breakup, and I have been through many more but I never let them hit me as hard as the first one did.
I can finally say that every breakup has taught me something valuable that will always be stuck in my head.
Every experience is a lesson that you should learn. All of us need to go through pain to realize the value of happiness. That’s the way life works.
Yes, it will be hard, but you will come out of it a better person afterward.
It’s the same with breakups! Every failed relationship teaches you something about your next one.
It’s up to you to notice those lessons and to help them make you grow or to ignore them and let yourself stay stuck in time.
Here is what I learned…
1. Your gut never lies
If something inside of you is whispering, ”This isn’t right,’‘ you need to stop and re-evaluate what is actually happening in your relationship.
Your instinct is a magical thing that can save you time and suffering.
When you feel that some things are not the way they’re supposed to be, the best thing to do is listen and try to understand where it’s coming from.
A lot of us completely ignore that tiny little voice inside of us that only wants the best for us.
We are scared of moving on and confessing to ourself that a relationship will not work out.
That’s why we choose to be quiet, thinking that the feeling will go away. The point is that it won’t, as long as you keep ignoring that you have a problem.
Stop avoiding the issues and have a face-to-face discussion with your partner.
That’s when you’ll realize that your gut was right, that things are not the way they should be. And that’s it’s time to break up.
2. Your value doesn’t decrease with a breakup
As self-critical as we are, all of us tend to blame ourself for a breakup.
We make it seem like if we had been better in any kind of way, the relationship would have succeeded.
After it ends, you beat yourself up, saying you don’t deserve anyone if you couldn’t keep the one you had. This isn’t true!
You will always be good enough for the right one. Until then, every relationship will be a path toward destiny.
Just because it ended, it doesn’t mean that your value is non-existent. You should never look at things from this perspective as it makes no sense.
It’s your values, dreams, and beliefs that make you the one you are and not failed immature relationships from the past.
3. Your partner isn’t someone you can’t live without
You give your whole being to your partner.
Every piece of you and your personality is held in his hands. When he walks away, it can feel like he took your whole being with him.
This needs to stop! You have to realize that your life continues after a breakup.
Don’t say that you won’t be able to live without him because you will (maybe even better than you lived with him).
He was your partner; he wasn’t a piece of you.
You thought that you and he were supposed to grow together and when that doesn’t happen, it means that you were not meant for each other.
It doesn’t mean that your life ends the day he packs his stuff and leaves you. That can only be the day your life begins.
4. You are the only reason for your happiness
We tend to seek happiness through our relationship and we forget that we are the one responsible for it.
You can’t wait for someone else to come and guide you toward your happiness when you are the only one who can do that.
Yes, your relationship can make you a happier person but that’s only one aspect of your happiness.
There is so much more hidden inside of you that you should explore and start appreciating more.
Thinking that you will be instantly happier if you are in a relationship is a misconception that can cost you time.
The sooner you realize that your happiness comes from within, the better it will be for you.
5. Never ignore the power of self-love
A relationship can’t replace the love you owe yourself. You can’t expect that you will feel better about yourself just because you are in a loving relationship.
His love could never substitute the love you are supposed to give yourself.
It can be hard to realize that you need to love yourself harder than your partner needs to love you, but once you do, you will much happier and more content with yourself.
6. Relationships need more than love to survive
Relationships are not only about saying, ”I love you.” It takes much more than that to establish a happy and successful relationship.
However, people have trouble realizing this.
They ignore other foundations of relationships such as support, honesty, and communication and they focus only on love.
If the rest are not present, the love simply dies out as it cannot survive on its own.
Breakups have taught me that building a relationship out of pure love is like building a house with only bricks.
There is nothing to hold them together and at the first strong wind, it will fall apart.
7. You can’t change him
We all deceive ourself, thinking that our partner will change over time, that when that happens, things will get better and we will be happier.
Truth be told, this is not the way it works. People don’t change easily, especially when you pressure them into being something they aren’t.
You setting him an ultimatum that you will leave him if doesn’t make an effort to change is doomed to fail from the very beginning.
You can’t expect to make someone change for you.
That only means that you are not in love with that person but with your own idea of what he could be and that, my friend, is the worst thing that can happen.
8. Revenge is an action that a four-year-old would take
Breakups are hard and the pain that we go through makes us do things that we usually never would.
It’s like it shows our real face that was hidden behind a facade of composure and a fake smile.
Whatever happened, don’t try to make your ex jealous. That doesn’t help you at all, no matter what explanation scenario you created in your head.
The only thing that can come out of it is him going back to you.
This seems like a dream come true, right?
But eventually, both of you will again realize why you first broke up, which means that you will have to go through another breakup pretty soon.
Honestly, it’s not worth it and you are making yourself look like a fool.
Kissing your new guy in front of your ex, sending him signals that you have already moved on when deep down everything hurts like hell, only makes you seem and feel immature.
9. Sometimes, you only love the idea of being in love
We romanticize the idea of love to the point where we crave it so hard that it feels like we can’t live without it.
Then, when we get into a relationship, we see the way the cookie crumbles when we realize that’s not what we want.
Don’t rush into a relationship just because the thought of being in love sounds lovely and appealing.
It doesn’t mean that you will be happy. It only means that you are looking for someone to fill a role that you saved for him.
Instead, try being your own advocate, helping yourself, and loving yourself. Don’t expect others to be the main characters in your own movie.
10. Your life doesn’t end up with the breakup
It sometimes feels that a relationship is the only world that we know. When it ends, our world is crushed and everything starts losing sense.
When you put too much of yourself into it, it can be hard to realize that your life doesn’t stop the moment you end a relationship.
There are thousands of things outside of it, waiting for you to explore them, but you are stuck in one place, thinking that you don’t have anything to look for because your relationship ended.
You are mistreating yourself by stopping yourself from enjoying all of the beauty that the world has to offer you.
Don’t think that your life stops when you break up with someone, but see it as a new opportunity.
11. Both of you contributed to the breakup
We usually blame everything on ourself – we didn’t do enough to keep the other person interested.
This means that we tend to forget that a relationship involves two people, who should equally commit.
It’s not only your fault that it ended and it’s not only his fault either. Both of you took some steps that took you to the final destination.
Don’t blame each other for it, but accept that the damage was done by both of you.
12. The pain is not permanent
When you get hurt, you feel that the pain will never end.
You think that nothing could take you out of this vast emptiness and agony. But trust me, it will all pass.
At some point, you will feel like the burden has been taken off your chest. It can take some time to heal but it won’t be permanent.
The pain goes away, and you are left with a lesson that will help you improve yourself in the future.
13. Every relationship is an experience sent from God
Don’t see a failed relationship as the worst thing in your life. Instead, try to see it as an experience that will help you grow.
You can learn something valuable from everything that God puts in front of you. So, focus on the lesson and try not to make the same mistakes twice.
Once you think of your breakup as a sign sent from God, you will start seeing things differently.
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