Being in a relationship and realizing it’s not making you happy seems to be an inevitable part of our life experience. The harder you try to find your true love, the harder it seems to get what you’re looking for.
But at some point, you finally get lucky enough and you find yourself the right person to grow old with. After years of struggling with toxic partners, you see that your current relationship is actually a healthy one.
As time goes by, you learn a lot about yourself, about your partner, and about all of the things you’re going through. You figure out that relationships aren’t only about being in love with someone; they’re so much more than that.
Relationships aren’t only about finding that one person and letting destiny do its job. They’re not about falling in love and expecting great things to happen while doing nothing in return.
Here are some things you’ll learn about relationships as time goes by. Once you finally understand the real meaning of these lessons, you’ll be able to focus your time and attention on all of the important bits.
1. The timing is never wrong. It’s only the person you’re in a relationship with who can be wrong.
Once you find yourself someone who wants to be with you, you’ll understand that timing doesn’t play a significant role. As long as you have yourself a real partner, you won’t feel the need to blame time for anything that happens to you.
2. You can list many different reasons why you can lose yourself in a relationship but the only right explanation is that you allowed it to happen.
Once you set your boundaries and know how far you’re willing to go, a real man will make sure to respect them. But it will always be you who has the power over your limitations and as soon as you decide to change them for someone, that’s when you start to feel like you’re losing yourself.
So, bear in mind that all of the control is in your hands. Your partner can’t push you further than you allow him to and you always have an opportunity to make it stop.
You can always let him know that you’re done and walk away from him. If you don’t want to lose yourself in a relationship, then you’ll never allow that to happen.
It’s that simple.
3. If someone truly wants to be with you, there’s no reason good enough why they can’t make it happen.
You can always find a solution for a problem that you’re desperate to solve. Period.
4. Love isn’t enough. There are many other things you need to incorporate into your relationship in order for it to work.
You need to know how to communicate, understand each other, and support each other. You need to stop expecting that everything will fit into place just because you’re in love.
Those are unhealthy expectations and they can easily ruin everything you’ve worked hard for. So, stop waiting for love to solve everything and be prepared to do something yourself.
5. Love isn’t perfect. It’s nothing like those scenes you’ve seen in romantic movies.
I know that this makes it even harder to know when you should fight for it but that’s a story in itself.
6. He isn’t supposed to fight for you more than you’re supposed to fight for him. Relationships are about equality and both sides putting in the effort.
Don’t think that you’ll keep rejecting his calls, keeping his messages unread, and ignoring him when he drops by just to prove the point that he must chase after you if he truly wants you. This, my friend, is called immaturity and it doesn’t have anything to do with love or healthy relationships.
You’re both responsible for what you have together and you shouldn’t expect a guy to chase after you just because you’ve seen it in the movies. This is real life we’re talking about and if neither of you is willing to put in the effort then you’re not ready for a relationship yet.
7. You can’t expect another person to save you from your problems.
You need to do that on your own but it certainly feels easier when you have someone who supports you by your side.
8. A healthy relationship isn’t a gift from God.
It doesn’t just happen because you deserve it. Instead, you have to work hard on it because that’s the only way to see the results you want to see.
9. Excuses and mixed signals aren’t things that you should fall for.
When someone loves you and wants to make the relationship work, he won’t shower you with excuses. He won’t change his opinion about you the same way the weather changes.
If he gives you any mixed signals then you probably aren’t made to last. You better say bye before it’s too late or you’ll fall way too hard for a person who’ll one day simply decide that they don’t want to be with you.
10. You can wish for someone to stay in your life forever but you shouldn’t trick yourself by believing that they will do exactly that.
Instead of worrying about your future, the best thing you should do is pay attention to your present. Do what feels right at this exact moment and stop worrying about what will happen in four years’ time.
Even if things don’t work out the way you wanted them to, you’ll at least know that you did your best, treated your partner with respect, and enjoyed your time with him.
It’s important to focus on the ‘right now’ and start growing from there. That’s the only way you can grant yourself a healthy relationship.