It is easier said than done to not lose yourself in a relationship. It can happen unconsciously, leaving you unable to comprehend what is going on.
Later on, after the relationship ends, you begin to see what went wrong.
You notice all of the red flags that were in front of you the whole time, but you couldn’t see them clearly as you were looking through rose-colored glasses.
Don’t beat yourself up as it can happen to anyone.
We tend to forget where we begin and our partner ends, as our worlds emerge into one, leaving us obsessed and fully dedicated to our significant other.
If you get to a point where you feel like something isn’t how it should be, then it probably means that something really shouldn’t be the way it is.
Feeling like you are not yourself is the first red flag and you are lucky if you notice it, as it means that you can start working on resolving the issues.
These signs will help you understand where you stand in the relationship game.
1. You ignore your friends
Constantly ditching your friends in order to hang out with your partner (as sixteen hours a day spending time with each other isn’t enough) is the first big red flag that you should notice.
You still love your friends, and you would love to hang out with them, but it just feels like you would be missing out on something if you spent time without your partner.
Don’t beat yourself up if you feel like this is happening to you, as many people have the same issue.
We tend to get so drawn into the relationship that we dedicate our entire self to this one person and the problem only becomes evident when we find ourself having an argument with our partner.
We have the need to talk to our friends, but they seem so distant as we haven’t engaged in proper conversations for months.
2. You stop doing your hobbies
Your hobbies become long-forgotten concepts that don’t exist anymore.
Completely dedicating yourself to someone means that you change the things you used to love as they are not a fit for your partner.
When you do that, you forget everything that once made you happy.
Long walks through the woods, hiking, basketball, yoga, or going to the gym become things of the past.
They don’t exist in the present, and they will not exist in the future if you don’t decide to change.
The same as with your friends, it seems like hobbies take up too much time and they separate you from your partner.
You will notice that this becomes a pattern as everything that makes you feel that you don’t spend enough time with your partner will have to be forgotten about.
3. Your opinions are changed by his
In order to have his approval, you tend to change your beliefs and opinions.
You don’t want him to disagree with the way you think about something, so you completely forget your opinions and replace them with his.
You don’t feel like you are capable of making decisions anymore, as you always need his input.
If by chance he tells you that he doesn’t agree with you, you feel like your world is on the edge of collapsing.
4. You shape your future by his needs
If in the early stages of the relationship you feel like you are shaping your future the way it fits his needs and wishes, then you are in big trouble.
We all fantasize about our wedding, future home, and names of our kids but when you completely ignore everything you ever wanted because it doesn’t suit his lifestyle, it can lead you in the wrong direction.
Think about it; are you the one who constantly has to change and adapt?
Neglecting your wishes for the sake of his leads you to a place where you don’t feel happy or satisfied with your choices.
The negativity builds up and you feel like you don’t fit in anywhere anymore.
5. You don’t have any alone time
You always choose to spend time with your partner over having some alone time with yourself.
When you rob yourself of your free time where you can relax and regain your energy, you are willingly taking yourself down the road of dissatisfaction and limitations.
If you stop being your own priority, everything will seem more important than you!
You can’t evolve as a person if you don’t really know who you are anymore.
Spending a lot of time with your partner sounds amazing but there is a thin line between being dedicated and fully overtaken by the relationship.
6. To fill the void, you start controlling others
When you feel that you’ve lost all control of your life, you start to project that onto others.
In order to show them that you are a composed, strong woman, you start controlling those around you; everyone except your partner.
You feel better when you start controlling other aspects of your life as you don’t have control over yourself anymore, which gives you the feeling of power you lost months or years ago.
7. You talk about your relationship all the time
You have lost all of the other aspects of your life so you keep talking only about your relationship.
You mention it to the small circle of friends you are still in contact with, to your family, or even to people at work.
This is a coping mechanism through which you want to show others that you are still happy, even though deep down, you know that things are not the way they are supposed to be.
Remember, happy people are quiet about their relationship, while those who don’t feel satisfied constantly need to brag about it!
8. You find yourself in a ‘we’ relationship
When you two constantly spend time together, ”I,” turns into, ”We”.
You become that laughed-at couple who can’t attend any social event without each other.
Later, you start having issues with expressing your opinions as you tend to constantly use the ‘we’ pronoun.
Your personalities have become merged into one, the same as your social life, and your priorities.
9. You can’t see a future without your partner
A serious relationship implies that there is the possibility that you two will be spending your future together.
However, if you feel overwhelming anxiety at the thought of you two breaking up, it can imply that you have lost yourself in the relationship.
Feeling like your life doesn’t have any other purpose besides the relationship is something that can’t signify anything good.
If he is the only reason for your happiness, then you should start thinking about the ways you can change that.
A relationship should never be seen as the only source of happiness! The end!
10. You feel stuck
You feel like you don’t belong anywhere. It seems like you are not in control of your own life but you are just a puppet whose strings are held by him.
You don’t know what you are doing or how to change it. The routine of your life is killing you but nothing seems to help.
This can make you feel like you are not doing anything with your life, like you are floating through it, not being able to steer the wheel.
The feeling of helplessness appears and it seems like nothing will ever be the same.
Your unhappiness is growing but you can’t change it. You find yourself going with the flow, even though you are not content with it.
Wake up and pull yourself out of a relationship where you as a person don’t exist anymore.
You should never lose yourself in a relationship. Be yours and not his!